05.04.06
By Ali
As both a child of the 80s and a major tomboy, I grew up loving the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I wanted nothing more than to have my own Pizza Shooter van, and I thought Raphael was awesome. I never did like Michaelangelo because he refused to take anything seriously and I just wasn’t down with that, plus everyone else liked him and I didn’t want to be part of the status quo. He got all the fans, and all the popularity.
Apparently he got all the action, as well.
The video you are about to see is one of the most jaw-dropping things, strange as hell things I have ever seen (as of before I started working on this website, at least). I found it on Something Awful, and I have no idea where it originally came from, but I am glad it exists. Click on the image below to watch the movie file:
Posted in
drawn,
fuckin' weird at 9:50 am
04.30.06
By Rob
Yesterday we began a look into the world of mpreg - male pregnancy. When I was originally sent this link, I figured it certainly must be one of the only sites devoted to such an odd fetish. As usual, my wishful thinking was just that. It seems that the mpreg empire spreads as far and wide as a man’s anus pushing out a baby, and thus demanded two posts to thoroughly explore it. So please, make sure you’ve seen part one, and then please continue:
As with any imaginary fetish, there tends to be a lot of artistic representations of male pregnancy. Most of them, as you’ve seen, come in the form of Photoshop manipulations, but I did enjoy these adorably primitive drawings from this site:
My first thought was “I really hope a kid drew those,” and then I realized that would mean a child was drawing pictures of naked pregnant men, so I revised my thought to “I hope a limbless retard drew those with his teeth.” And even then, they’re still not very good.
Thankfully, someone else has put a great deal more effort into the graphic representations of pregnant men. In fact, he’s created an entire comic book.
Power Man, a strange fusion of manipulated photos and MS Paint, follows the adventures of a superhero who becomes impregnated by his arch nemesis, The Purple Jester.
The creator of these comics, who goes by “Belly577″ and, I assume, is also playing the role of Power Man, seems to have a shared fetish for pregnant men and spandex. And really, when the results are this sexy, who can blame him?
You can find more of his work and the complete Power Man archives over at his Yahoo Group.
Still, of all the fantastic mpreg material on the web, my absolute favorite is BSB-and-PopMPregFics, a Yahoo Group devoted solely to stories about members of ‘N Sync and The Backstreet Boys getting pregnant. Sometimes these stories include graphic male-on-male boyband buggery, but mostly it’s just two of them, as lovers, dealing with their impending pregnancy. It’s about love, really.
A particularly epic tale entitled “Two In A Million” comes with the following summary: “JC and Lance are brought together by fate, but JC has a secret. How will Lance react when he finds out? Will they make it?” Well, I don’t know if they make it or not, because I couldn’t even begin to make it through twenty pages of Backdoor Boys erotic action - but I will give you a sampling:
He could see the fantasy now. His son would be beautiful. He would have of course the dark curls or would he have Lance’s straighter hair? Josh hoped whatever the outcome was the boy would have Lance’s apple green eyes. What if it was girl? Would she have JC’s smile or the same slight dimple in her right cheek as Lance? For the first time in a long time he wanted to use his ability to bear children instead of wishing it away.
In another story, “We’re Having A Baby,” boyband lovers Kevin Richardson and Howie Dorough discuss an experimental surgery which could finally bring them their own bun in the oven:
Kevin could feel Howie’s hands stroking his hair. “I know. Elective surgery always seems crazy to some people. Like getting a nose job or whatever. But I want to have a baby. It’s like it came to me in a dream. Maybe God was sending me a message. I don’t know, Kevin. I just know I really want to do this.”
Kevin sighed in resignation. “Okay, sugar. You’ve obviously got your mind made up. But the surgery isn’t reversible, is it? I mean, you’d be doing something to your body you’d have to live with forever. Isn’t that so?”
Howie nodded. “Yeah, once it’s there, it’s there.” He giggled. “Why would I go through all the trouble to get a uterus and then decide to take it out?”
If you’re a guy and the thought of Backstreet Boys pooping out children has got you all tickled pink, it’s probably time for you to start your own pregnancy. On the cybermalepregnancy Yahoo Group, men can start a virtual fantasy pregnancy experience with another man or woman. Find a cyberdaddy to impregnate you, find a cyber ob/gyn to monitor your baby, and then have a cyberbirth! “Todd” is looking for someone to help him deliver his baby:
Are there any people in the DFW, Texas area who would like to roleplay in person. I’m an attractive, SWM who has labored and birthed at home by myself several times. I accomplish this through the use of an expandable butt plug which I push out. Now I’m ready to share the experience with others…Looking for females and/or males to serve as my OB, coach and nursing staff. In turn, I would be willing to return the favor with those that help me with my labor… I love all things dealing with pregnancy and birth and enjoy watching videos which deal with those subjects. Would very much like to meet some people in person who share my pregnancy/birthing fantasies…Please respond.
Do you think he draws a little baby face on the butt plug so it seems more like a real infant when it comes out? Then his “doctor” wipes all of the smelly butt-slime off of his silicone baby, wraps it in a blanket, and hands it to him? Do you think he lays there, his ass sore and bleeding, coddling his smelly butt plug and telling it he loves it? I wasn’t able to get a photo of Todd’s beautiful baby, but I did create a mock-up of what it probably looks like:
Isn’t he adorable? The message board is full of all kinds of eerie windows into peoples’ fucked-up lives, like this message from “Jack”:
Cool group. My wife is pregnant by her black lover (in her 8th month now). She started bringing him home and fucking him in front of me. Now he fucks me in the ass as well. He tells me his seed is so powerful that even I might get pregnant (LOL). Love to hear more about everyone’s experiences.
“LOL! :D My wife’s silly black lover says the funniest things about his powerful seed while he fucks me in the ass! ROTFL!!” …I’ve always said that certain people just shouldn’t be allowed to breed. Jack has done an excellent job of validating my opinion.
Well, now you’ve seen how much fun male pregnancy can be - so boys, if you’re ready to start your nine month miracle, look no further than The Empathy Belly® Pregnancy Simulator. This clever device allows men to have all the sensations of being pregnant - even the baby kicking! It’s the perfect thing to wear while you jack off thinking about giving rectal birth.
And me? I just spent over an hour of my saturday looking at pictures of pregnant dudes. Awesome.
04.29.06
By Rob
Men have it pretty easy. We don’t have to bleed out of our genitals, we don’t have to get pap smears, and we don’t have to worry about getting knocked up. Women can rattle on about the miracle of life that only they can experience and yadda yadda yadda, but at the end of the day I’m pleased as punch that I won’t ever have to crave chocolate-covered pickles with mango sauce for nine months while I grow a little miniature human in my stomach and then painfully squeeze him out of a hole in my body half the size of the slimy little bugger’s head. But again, that’s just me. For some people, the idea of men getting pregnant isn’t just novel - it’s downright sexy. Enter the fetish of male pregnancy, or “mpreg” as it’s affectionately abbreviated.
Since male pregnancy is, of course, not possible, mpreggers rely on stories, role-playing, and bad Photoshop work to facilitate their strange forbidden desires. In the role-playing department, no one beats Lil Janelle, a cross-dresser with a flair for pregnancy simulation. Please click that link and enjoy his photos. I’d love to post them here, but he has a very stern warning on the bottom of his page:
Any person who reproduces, modifies, copies, distributes, or displays any photo from this web site without the written permission from the web designer agrees to pay the web designer a usage fee of ONE MILLION dollars for each item used on or in a public area and TWO MILLION dollars for each item used on or in a pay to view area in addition to
ALL legal costs incurred by both parties in the collection of said usage fees.
WHOA. I guess being pregnant really does make you cranky. When I read that warning I can’t help but picture a pregnant Dr. Evil, rubbing his belly with his pinky to his lips, saying “One MILLION dollars! Mwahahahaha!” Don’t worry, dude. No one’s going to steal your precious faux-pregnancy photos. But that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh at them.
If you’re not ambitious enough to dress up like a pregnant woman, and Photoshopped images like the one above aren’t quite your thing, you might want some realistic stories about pregnant men to sizzle your loins. At He’s Pregnant, you’ll find a number of erotic tales about men suddenly becoming preggers - sometimes from magical potions, sometimes from maniacal science experiments, and sometimes via good ol’ fashioned immaculate conception. In The Joe Luck Club, a magic potion from a Chinese herb shop gets Joe unexpectedly knocked up, and the horny boys in the shower room of his health club have taken notice:
Watching the guy masturbate excited Joe. His erection stuck straight up into the air. “Do your titties give milk,” asked the guy as he rapidly beat his meat? “Sure do,” responded Joe as he began to stroke his own dick. “Wanna see.” Joe began to pull on his nipples like he was milking a cow. “Come on babe,” said the guy, “milk those titties for Papa.” “Yeah milk those titties for me.” The guy soon shot his load all over Joe. He quickly washed up and left the shower leaving Joe all alone.
The stories inevitably lead to the men giving birth, although there seems to be some debate amongst mpreg erotic fiction writers as to whether men give birth from their penis or their ass. The penis method is slightly more amusing - here’s another excerpt from the mpreg classic, The Joe Luck Club:
The spasms in his stomach began to come faster and faster causing him to lie down on the bed. His penis was now as wide as his hips and the end was leaking. Suddenly he felt a spasm in his penis, then another.
He felt a sharp pain in his penis. He thought his penis was going to explode. He looked down and saw the head of a baby coming out of the end.
My favorite story, though, is Make Womb For Vijay, a tale of an Indian man’s struggles with his newfound pregnancy. After a mysterious professor gives Vijay a strange suppository, he begins noticing odd changes in his body which suggest he might be pregnant. His first reaction? He plays with his butthole:
I lightly touched my flaring butt lips and was surprised at the feeling I received. It was fantastic. I put down the mirror, got down on my knees, and began to massage my anus. I could not believe the feeling. I began to massage it more aggressively. In response my penis began to dribble lubricant. I began to tug on one of my nipples. The feeling that ensued was fantastic. I was surprised when I said aloud, “give me milk titties, give me milk.”
“Give me milk, titties, give me milk,” might just be my favorite new quote. Vijay’s newfound pleasure leads to a lot of graphically-described adventures with shampoo bottles, as apparently when a man gets pregnant he desperately wants to shove things up his ass and milk his tits. But Vijay begins to realize that he might have to tone down his frantic rump-ramming for the sake of the child inside him:
My anus now screamed to be filled. I put my fingers in again, but that only made it want more. I remembered the shampoo bottle. “What did I have with me that was like that shampoo bottle,” I wondered. I dug through the small satchel that I had brought with me. I didn’t have a shampoo bottle that was big enough, but I did have a bottle of bismuth that I used for diarrhoea. I sat the bottle on a tall mossy rock and squatted over it. My penis shot a mighty load of semen as I impaled myself on the bottle. But my anus was not yet ready to orgasm. It wanted more stimulation. I slid up and down on the bismuth bottle like a madman. Suddenly, and without warning an orgasm came. An orgasm that was so strong my whole body shook. Milk was now pouring out of my nipples and the baby in my belly was kicking intensely. The kicking became so strong that I worried that I had hurt my child. I immediately used my sphincter to eject the bottle from my anus. I rubbed my belly to soothe my restless child. Instead of being aroused by touching my swollen abdomen, I felt a peace in touching it. My child’s comfort now came before my own pleasure.
Eventually he comes to the realization that he is the chosen one, the man who will give birth and undo a curse which has taken away the fertility of his people. At the end of the story, Vijay poops out babies:
“Push Vijay, push,” says my uncle. I feel another head pass out of my body. “Push,” says my uncle. “Push.” I painfully contract my abdomen again. This time the baby passes out of my body with little difficulty. “Three babies,” I say not believing it. “Yes, Vijay,” responds my uncle. “Yes.” He and the attendants say a prayer. “Did you know about this,” I ask between heavy breathing? “Yes,” he responds, “I could feel them.” “We are truly blessed.”
We’re all truly blessed that someone actually wrote that story. I encourage you to read the whole thing and cry a little for humanity.
Click here for part two of my epic exposé on the weird world of pregnant men, where we explore a comic book about a pregnant superhero, find out what happens to The Backstreet Boys when they get knocked up, and even give you the opportunity to simulate your own pregnancy. I know you’re as excited as these proud daddies-to-be:
04.22.06
By Ali
The asian eel sex video has already made its rounds on the internet, but I think enough people haven’t seen it to warrant an entry. I first saw the eel sex video at a friend’s house when I was completely plastered. While I was watching it I found myself clenching my anus as tightly as possible, hoping that somehow it would prevent the girl in the video from having all those eels slide into her ass. It didn’t work.
If you don’t feel like watching this truly remarkable video, don’t worry, I’ll give you a quick summary!
This is a funnel. It is a funnel full of eels.
This is the same funnel in a cute Japanese* girl’s asshole.
Same funnel, same asshole, but where have all the eels gone?
Japanese girl’s pigtailed friend is helping her make sure those little eels stay put! :)
Oh no, what could she be doing?
Huzzah, the eels have made their triumphant return!
What do you do when something comes flying out of your ass? Rub it on your chest!
Nothing is more seductive than sticking a live butt-eel in your mouth…
… except maybe chewing it.
* (I don’t actually know if these girls are Japanese, but if you see asian girls in a fucked up sex vid then it is generally safe to assume they’re Japanese!)
I also found some other eel-sex vids and pics. Ladies, just because something is phallic does not make you obligated to shove it into your orifice. It would amaze me if there were a single phallic object left in the world that some crazy broad hasn’t already tried to ram into her holes.
04.12.06
By Ali
I know Rob recently wrote about pedal pumping, but I saw Carstuckgirls.com the other day and it was too good to pass up. In brief, Carstuckgirls is for people who have a thing for women driving off-road and getting their cars hopelessly stuck in the mud. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, this is real.
Part pedal-pumping/foot fetish, part messy fetish, part damsel-in-distress fetish, and part I-have-no-fucking-clue fetish, Carstuckgirls caters to a very strange niche of internet people. I can honestly say that this is the strangest fetish I have come across to date, and I have seen some fucking weird shit in my day.
It’s hard to say what people find appealing about this, but from what I can tell most photo sets are comprised of a few important parts: Women get their cars stuck in some soft terrain and exclaim “I’m stuck, I cannot get out!”, then they attempt to push their car out, only to have their feet get stuck as well. They then cry “Oh no my feet are stuck,” pry their feet out, go back into the car and pump the pedal with their mud-caked shoes as much as they can. The videos end with the girl either driving off to her freedom, or wailing in frustration because they’ve just dug their cars in even deeper. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m horny as hell now!
And it’s not just mud, either. They also have sand and snow, for those who want a little variety!
Check out at least a couple of the video previews too. I recommend the Mustang video, mostly because of how unconvincingly she says “Oh my gosh my shoe is stuck!” and “Oh my gosh my Mustang is stuck!” Acting at its finest. This one is good too, because the girls break out into a mud-wrestling fight out of nowhere.
Thanks to my friend Industriarts for the link!
Posted in
fuckin' weird at 12:42 am
04.11.06
By Rob
Ah, the stresses of the adult world: Having a job, paying taxes, buying a house, getting car insurance, raising a family… The constant pressures and responsibilities adults face every day can sometimes make you want to escape to a situation where you’re completely helpless. Where your every need is met by someone else, and you can just let go and… wet your diaper. Welcome to the world of adult babies, where grown men (and women) dress and act like helpless infants.
Its official term is infantilism, and it’s more common than you’d hope. It begins with a mild diaper fetish, and extends all the way into full-fledged role-playing, where one adult completely assumes the role of a baby (including over-sized nappies and cribs), and often another adult takes care of them as one would a child. It’s an unusual age-play variation of traditional dominant-submissive behaviors that basically boils down to the movie Big gone incredibly wrong. But what it means for you is hilariously disturbing pictures of 40-something men wearing diapers, sucking on pacifiers, and in some cases even dressing as little toddler girls:
Diaper Pail Friends seems to be the largest adult baby resource on the internet - you’ll find stories, pictures, and yes, personal ads - where you can find other babies, or caring mommies to change your diapers and bottle-feed you. There are even detailed reports from adult baby parties, which I can only imagine are some of the most bizarre events on the planet.
Best of all, though, is Tommy’s Page, the home of the site’s creator. He’ll walk you through some of his finest moments as an adult baby, such as this one:
Another adult baby homepage you might find amazing is Baby Brrr’s Homepage. The photo gallery alone utterly defies belief.
But let’s say you’re an adult baby, and inevitably, you’re finding that the world is somewhat less than accommodating to someone with your, shall we say, unique interests. The stuff at Babies ‘R’ Us is just a tad too small for your pasty, out-of-shape 43 year old body. That’s where Forever A Kid comes into play - you’ll find all sorts of children’s clothes recreated in sizes suitable for adults - even oversized nursery accessories.
But what good does the world’s best over-sized crib do you if there’s no one to change your diapers? That’s where Mommy Blue comes in.
Mommy Blue is a dominatrix-for-hire who specializes in the unique needs of adult babies. For a modest fee, she will feed you, change your diapers, and even give you a spanking if you’ve been a naughty baby.
Fucking. Creepy.
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