03.31.06

Gynophagia: The Fine Art of Spit-Roasting Women

By Ali

Spring is here, and that means Frisbee at the beach, rollerblading in Central Park, and barbecues! There’s nothing quite as sublime as a finely cooked brisket and grilled chicken, perhaps with a side of cornbread and mashed potatoes, as I’m sure most of you would agree… unless you’re are a fan of gynophagia, in which case your favorite barbecue dish is probably suckling cheerleader or roasted schoolmarm.

The Dolcett Archives features a series of gynophagia stories, all featuring large-breasted women who are surprisingly eager to be run through with a wooden stake and slowly roasted on an open fire.

There’s a lot of fucking weird shit on this site that you should go see for yourself, but to whet your appetite here’s a few pictures from the “Fantasy Barbeque” story:

Synopsis: Cheryl agrees to be roasted for the annual cookout with one proviso: she doesn’t want to be impaled, she wants to be cooked alive. Her husband and friends tie her to a spit and proceed to slowly cook her over an open fire. (This is one of my favorite stories!)

I love how the guy says “This is one of my favorite stories!” See, when I think back on my favorite stories I think of Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash or Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle or even those gay-ass Dragonlance novels I read back in middle school. What kind of life do you have to lead for your favorite story to be about cooking up a huge serving of roast lady? Perhaps as a child his family would spit-roast chickens and pigs for family barbecues, and his pubescent mind somehow decided that it was the most erotic thing he had ever seen, and he had to go whack off to it? The mind boggles.

Another gem of a story is Lunch Date:

Synopsis: A mother and daughter are planning what (who) to have for dinner, when they’re notified that they’re to become food themselves. Mom phones her husband who comes home on his lunch break, fucks them both, then decapitates them. They’re then taken down to the grocery store.

It is interesting to note that throughout all this, all the women are docile and accepting of their fate. I think the gynophagia fetish is an obvious backlash against the feminist movement, and is an attempt to put women “back in their place” as it were, by depicting them as literal pieces of meat. In a gynophagia fan’s mind, women are there to serve a purpose: to be consumed by men. Either that or people who like gynophagia are just fucked in the head, take your pick.

So head on down and read some gynophagia stories, or come and check out some stand-alone pictures. Many thanks to my homeboy Majcameron for these sweet links. Later, kids!

03.28.06

Hungry For Love: Vore, Cannibalism, and Women Who Eat Men Through Their Vaginas

By Rob

Every time I’m fairly confident that I’ve encountered every bizarre fetish the world has to offer, the internet sneaks up behind me and drops a little digital present in my lap, and my whole world turns upside down. Such it was when I recently discovered vore - short for vorarephilia, a sexual fetish involving creatures eating and digesting other creatures. This can be animals eating other animals as they would in the wild, or, more hilariously, people getting eaten by giant animals, or people eating other people.

Vore’s presence on the internet is far more widespread than it logically should be, and what makes it incredibly entertaining is that it’s mostly an imaginary fetish, and thus relies on the imagination of the vore community’s talented artists and writers to bring it to life. Throughout the internet you’ll find a vast range of material catering to every facet of vore, from this guy’s obsession with drawing pictures of snakes eating rodents, to this guy’s Photoshopped fantasies of people being eaten by aquatic creatures:

(click to enlarge)

Fantasy fiction about ingestion is extremely popular as well, such as these long and elaborate stories in which people masturbate furiously as they are devoured alive by larger creatures. One site I found focuses exclusively on giant snakes devouring naked women:

(click to enlarge)

“Do you want one of the snakes to eat you?” asked Agent Cawly as she stared at Collier.

“Oh yes,” said Collier. Her breasts ached for touch, nipples hard as bullets. It was hard to think- she wanted sex, she wanted to be eaten alive. She wanted to be eaten alive while having sex. The sheer knowledge that snakes on the island were eating people and none of them were HER was both intensely sexy to her and incredibly frustrating. Her cunt craved sex- she was so wet, so hot… All she could see right now was her upper body to the waist in the mouth and throat of a snake, her lower body nude, and some unnamed man fucking her hard, her gaping cunt taking all his cock as he slammed it into her as the snake swallowed her alive…

Another great story involves two men on a double date with women who turn out to have mystical powers which allows them to suck the men inside of them via their vaginas:

Daryl felt her sex actually pulling in his shoulders and began to flail his arms and legs in fear and confusion. This only served to delight Marcia and enhance her orgasmic sensations. She began to take him in faster as her cavity was already widened to accept him, and his arms were quickly pinned to his sides. He was quickly pulled up through the warm moist opening as Marcia’s pussy sucked in his chest and found his head coming to the new opening to her stomach that she had created with the magic. His head entered her stomach and he could feel her moving faster and faster.

Marcia moaned loudly in delight as she felt Daryl beginning to enter her stomach. Her sex was now to his waist and she could still taste every inch of him somehow. She didn’t know exactly how this magic could do such a thing, but she loved it. She slowly enveloped his pelvis and could taste everything at once; his ass, his cock, even the remnants of the seed he had spilled earlier. Within her Daryl could feel the muscles working all around and began to become aroused again. Marcia used the muscles of her sex in order to milk his erection and his hips began to buck in instinct. Soon she was rewarded with his orgasm, the taste of his fresh seed only heightening her own sensations and giving her another climax.

As great as all of that is, my very favorite piece of “vornography” is a little digital animation where a giant balding man eats a tiny naked woman, swallows her, and then gives a little wink to the camera. I have watched this about a hundred times, and it never stops being funny. Click the image to view:

On certain occasions, the vore fetish deviates into straight-up cannibalism fantasy, as can be seen on a message board called the Girl Flesh Forum. Here you’ll find people asking burning questions such as:

“Does anyone have a fantasy of cooking and serving their daughters to friends and family?”

You would really hope that the answer would be a resounding “no!” But alas, other members of the board respond with:

“I don’t have a daughter, but I would love to eat my older sister.”

Well really, wouldn’t we all? Another response:

“A wonderful fantasy. I do enjoy the fantasy of serving my firstborn daughter as a virgin sacrifice to my family. In my fantasies, she’s willing and looking forward to the feast day.”

And my favorite:

“Yes, I do! My daughter is 21 and I’d love to serve her really beautiful body to my family (in fantasy, of course). I think having her roasted and eaten by her brothers, her uncles, cousins, grandparents and friends would be really nice. A big family meeting where everybody eats a piece of her.”

Next time you look at your father, ask yourself if you really know him. Is he the mild-mannered parental guardian you know and love, or does he jack off at night while fantasizing about roasting you like a Christmas ham and serving your cooked flesh to your other family members? This also begs the question - do these people get boners when they watch movies like Soylent Green and Alive?

For more vore fun on the internet, I encourage you to check out some of the following links:

• Vore.net seems to be the main hub of vore activity on the web. You’ll find stories, images, animations, and links.
• Hawkinz is a prolific vore artist with a particular interest in giant insects who eat people. She even likes to bring her fantasy to life by Photoshopping herself into scenes from Men In Black:
  
• The Vortex includes a gallery of vore art at its most outlandish - when it intersects with the world of furries and results in anthropomorphic mythical creatures eating other anthropomorphic mythical creatures (usually while one or both of them has a raging hard-on):
  
• The Vore Encoder is a device to help you create a quick code which tells other vorarephiliacs exactly what your specific interests are. Are you a giant gay male shape-shifting dragon who likes to do the eating? Or are you a miniature straight female kangaroo who likes to be eaten? These are important details which can lead to embarrassing flubs in online erotic role-playing chat rooms if you don’t fill out the encoder carefully!

03.26.06

Yellow Flesh: The Twisted World of Simpsons Erotica

By Rob

Ah, the timeless art of cartoon porn. Snow White gang bangs, wild Smurf orgies, even Shrek’s giant green dong - none of your innocent childhood icons are safe from the one-handed artists of the internet, and America’s favorite animated family is no exception. Over the years I’ve seen plenty of goofy, poorly-rendered drawings of the Simpsons family engaging in various acts of carnality, but I’d always passed it off as the expected byproduct of bored, giggling teenage boys. It never occurred to me that somewhere out there, a small but passionate subculture of perverts was furiously jacking off to Apu buttfucking Marge over the Kwik-E-Mart counter. And then, one day, I discovered Playdude: The Erotic Simpsons Fanzine.

Playdude, cleverly named after the skin mag featured in The Simpsons, is a semi-regular digital magazine, distributed in PDF format, with x-rated art, comics, and stories starring Simpsons characters. It originally existed as a website but was shut down by FOX, which forced the zine to adopt a more underground distribution - mostly via torrent sites. The art ranges in quality and is contributed by a variety of very lonely men who have spent many a weekend night perfecting their renderings of Marge’s blue bush and Bart’s little hairless boner. Creepily enough, most of the art centers on sexual encounters amongst Springfield’s children - particularly Bart and Lisa, who I need not remind you are siblings of age 10 and 8, respectively. So cartoon or not, much of what’s represented in Playdude is underage incest, and it’s damned creepy. Consider this excerpt from one of Playdude’s many pages of erotic Simpsons literature:

It was Bart’s dream come true. Lisa started sucking Bart’s dick with slow and deliberate strokes. She was slower than he would rub with his hand, but it was warm and moist and his dick slid in and out easily. Lisa continued to rub her pussy as she sucked his cock trying to have another orgasm. Soon Bart felt like he was going to cum. He grabbed Lisa’s head and pulled it off his penis. Then he stood up. Lisa sat up. Bart rubbed his head a couple more times and then came in Lisa’s face.

Even better are the occasional forays into homosexual encounters between Bart and his best friend Millhouse. Another excerpt:

Millhouse was hard again and could not resist the temptation to lift Barts leg and slide his dick into Barts hole, it felt good and he reached around and started fondling Barts balls and dick which grew hard as he slept, Millhouse could feel himself about to come so he got up and put his throbbing dick into the sleeping Barts mouth and moved it around, it was almost like a reel [SIC] blowjob he had got from Maggie the last time he sleeptover [SIC] and took her pacifier out while she slept, Millhouse came in Barts mouth and naturally Bart swallowed, Millhouse then went to return the favor as he went down on Barts still hard dick sucked it until Bart came in his mouth.

That is one hell of a run-on sentence. Clearly, the subject of homosexual animated pre-teen sodomy draws only the finest literary talents.

Although Playdude would have you believe that every citizen of Springfield has a voracious sexual appetite and is all-too-eager to engage in wild, fluid-covered orgies with anyone at all (regardless of age or family relation, as you can see above), it is little Lisa Simpson who seems to be the magazine’s favorite masturbation fodder. The poor girl has been subjected to the widest variety of sexual horrors throughout Playdude’s 17 issues (to date), which include, but are most certainly not limited to:

Double-teamed by Bart and Flanders:

Molested in the bathtub by Mr. Burns and his wrinkly fleshworm (so so so fucking wrong):

Anal beads yanked from her ass by Maggie:

Traded to Moe the bartender for free beer:

Fisted elbow-deep by her brother (this one’s a personal favorite):

Raped by The Bumble Bee Man, Santa Claus, Santa’s Little Helper…. and a pony:

And vomited on by Wendell:

I could go on forever, but I encourage you to enjoy Playdude for yourself, by searching for it on your favorite torrent site.