10.23.06

Gays Gone Goofy

By Ali

It never ceases to blow my mind how many talented artists draw really fucking weird sexual imagery. Rob Clarke is one such artist. His works run the whole gay gamut, from your typical leathermen/cops/marines to defecating clowns (?!).

Rob is an illustrator who focuses on erotic gay imagery, with all of his men done in the hunky Tom of Finland style. Setting his work apart from other gay artwork I’ve seen (not that I’ve seen a lot or anything!) is that his images typically have a humorous side to them. At least I hope humor was the intended outcome, as I’d like to think that gay illustration aficionados don’t regularly fantasize about Joe Camel orgies:

Rob’s site has a whole section of holiday-oriented artwork, including tax day and even the under-appreciated groundhog day. This little guy predicts six more weeks of anal fisting:

The fun continues in a series of illustrations, many of them famous people in various stages of undress. I’m pointing this one out because why the fuck does half-dolphin David Bowie have half-dog David Bowie on a leash?

Rob seems to have a heightened interest in bodily functions, as is evidenced by the numerous defecating half-donkey men and farting cowboys. Apparently the Wild West was full of beefcake men who would frequently strip down to their boots and hold erotic fart rodeos:

There is also quite a bit of focus on men that are either dressed as animals or turning into them. My personal favorites are the men turning into donkeys a-la Pinocchio, but nude and with muscles bulging and schlongs flopping. There’s many more illustrations of otherwise normal men with animal features (curly pig tails or bunny ears) and men dressed as animals scattered throughout the site. Cock-a-doodle-doo indeed!

As always, I like to save the best for last. There’s one part of the site, the Poodle Parlor, that’s focused on the farting, shitting poodle boy. Each image is animated and accompanied by a dog-related joke. It’s really hard to pick out the single creepiest part of the poodle images. Is it the little white pompadour with the bow attached to a nude man? Is it the fact that he’s farting up a storm in two of the images? Is it the fucking butterflies? You tell me.

And even though this isn’t really erotic or anything, I figured I’d share the link to the Poodle Fitness video because it’s been making the rounds lately and it’s creepy as fuck:

07.10.06

Macrophile Furries: More Horsecock Than You Can Shake a Dick At

By Ali

Alright alright, I admit I’m a horrible person for taking some time off to go on vacation, rock out, and call up Rob while blasted on cheap beer at 1AM to threaten his life (for reasons I can’t quite recall). It was fun, but now it’s back to the old grind. And I know Rob’s been busy too, what with having to fill in as temporary chairperson of his local NAMBLA chapter and all, so please excuse him for that. “So many little boys, so little time,” as the old adage goes, heh.

But enough distractions. I came to bring the pain, hardcore from the internet. And today, pain has taken the form of gigantic furry cocks. And titties. Sometimes on the same creature. Enter Gideon’s Corral.

So there’s this whole macrophile thing, right? It’s a fetish that revolves around amazingly huge things, be they people, furries, or just their genitalia. The above image is a prime example: There’s some sultry sabre-toothed damsel, with cleavage that puts Pandora Peaks to shame, paired with a big furry sheath, and testicles nearly as large as the creature’s breasts. For contrast there is a small… well I don’t know what it is, but it’s furry and snuggled deep in the sabre-tooth’s bosom. And there you have it: It’s like Venus of Willendorf for the 21st century, if only Venus was an intersexed furry.

Now if there’s any one creature renowned for their massive members, it’s the horse. I can’t count the times I’ve referred to a particularly well-endowed, uhh, “gentleman caller” as having a horsecock. With this ill rep, it’s no surprise that horses play a prominent role in Gideon’s art. But rather than having the standard massive horse-sized cock, they have genitals so large and swollen that they’d probably pass out and die from lack of blood to the brain the first time they got an erection.

But this is all fantasy, and in a fantasy world there are no limits to the amount of blood that can be shifted around in one’s bloodstream or the size of one’s genitals. There’s also no limit to what species can be depicted, so here we have two of my favorite mythological beasts getting it on: A beautiful unicorn having her titties licked by a badass red dragon.

Season’s greetings! Here’s a little holiday display from two reindeer.

This was one of the more perplexing images on the site: A sabre-tooth cat with a cock the size of a leg, tormenting a guy going to a keg party? I don’t get it.

Back to the horse theme! Here’s a picture of a clydesdale clearing out the red light district with a blast of semen:

… and here he is doing some freelance demolition work:

Now I’d like to go on record saying that drawing in three-point perspective is fucking hard as hell. You have three vanishing points so you’ve really got to line everything up just right or it’s going to look all right. And not only has Gideon done that, but he’s managed to cover it in some pretty impressive-looking semen. Kudos, Gideon.

Gideon’s range isn’t limited to strictly furry faces though, there are human faces as well. See for yourself: A zebra centaur woman with NIPPLES TWICE THE SIZE OF HER HEAD and a cock vein the size of her arm. Nice.

Lastly, a little tribute to the comic book fans out there! Check this bodacious bat-babe out:

So if gigantic ejaculating horses are your thing, visit Gideon’s Corral today!

06.05.06

ConjoinedDreams: Double your pleasure!

By Ali

Men love lesbian porn, right? The idea that one “girl = good, two girls = better” is an integral part of male sexuality. But what if you want all the perks of two sets of bouncing boobies without the hassles of, oh I don’t know, legs and the ability to do anything more than wiggle around on the ground?

Apparently the fetish for multi-limbed people is more prevalent than I had previously believed. In Multiple-Limbed Mayhem I explored the male-oriented part of this fetish, so it’s long-past due for a peek into the female-oriented site, ConjoinedDreams, where all of these pictures are from.

Although conjoined twins are identical by definition, in the magical world of conjoined fetishes you can be fraternal twins or possibly even unrelated! From what I gather, there may be a mysterious fluid that will cause your body to fuse with another’s (as written about in quite a few stories). It’s a ridiculous premise, but now that I think about it, it would be nice if someone could splash that fluid on me and maybe Tobey Maguire.

I actually really appreciate the lengths some people go to in order to make their fantasies come to life. It’s not enough to think about a woman with multiple limbs, or look at pictures of Cheng and Eng and jerk yourself off into multi-limb oblivion. No, you gotta whip out the old Photoshop and make your dreams come to life. Especially if you dream of women joined at the pelvis, and one’s pussy is the other’s anus. Look at the image below: I’m curious if fucking that hole would count as sodomy or not.

One aspect that seems to be implied by the conjoined fantasy is the idea of not only fucking two girls at once, but fucking twin sisters.

I’ll be perfectly honest here, I was originally going to write about how conjoined twins form and that wanting to fuck conjoined twins BECAUSE they’re conjoined is a little messed up, but I’d rather write about this fun little fact I discovered through my research just now: There is a protein called Sonic hedgehog (named after the game character) which determines where your middle is, and if you’re deficient in it then you end up with one eye and no nose, like that adorable little one-eyed kitten. It’s funny they named it Sonic hedgehog, and I now firmly believe that more things need to be named after video game characters for the sake of the ensuing awkward medical conversations. “I’m sorry son, your Mario and Luigi glands aren’t producing enough goomba.”

Honestly, looking at all this shit makes me feel really bad for the Hensel twins, a cute pair of conjoined teenage girls. They seem to be getting along fine as they are, but you just KNOW that the conjoined-fetish community has a fucking count-down to the day they turn 18.

Of course, no fantasy this far out would be complete without the disturbing not-even-close-to-realistic 3D renders. I’d like to think that the reason the blonde chick is so surprised is her brunette sister just let one rip.

And finally, two-headed and four-titted furries. I swear man, whatever fetish you can find, be it gynophagia or adult babies or insanely swollen genitals, you will find furries. They’re like the cockroaches of the fetish world, they get everywhere and there’s no stopping them.

05.22.06

I’m a Cowgirl, Baby

By Ali

Image editing software like Photoshop and it’s ilk can be tremendously powerful tools. I mostly use Photoshop to tweak the colors in photos and add pictures of cocks in my friends’ mouths, but it’s capable of doing much more. In the case of Photoshop, the liquify filter allows you to shape and morph your pictures in a realistic way, and you can easily draw elements of a picture from scratch using various brushes. With a skilled-enough artist you can get extremely realistic, vivid results.

Which is exactly what Nexus T of ProjectP does, only the images are quite often of women minding their own business who slowly morph into cow-people, udders a-burstin’ out of their pants.

What really gets me about all of this is that the image manipulations, while they have a slight cartoony quality to them, are really good. The lighting and foreshortening is spot-on. I’d imagne the artist probably had some sort of formal training and does image manipulation for a living, but he [NOTE: I am assuming it is a dude because, come on, can you really picture a girl making this?] has decided to use his skills for evil, like some sort of artsy Darth Vader. He’d be like “I have altered the image. Pray I don’t alter it any further.” I don’t know what draws some people to the dark side of the Photoshop, but it does result in some interesting pictures so I’m glad it happens!

A lot of this is furry-oriented, so of course you’ve got a variety of different animals, from the donkey:

to the mouse:

One thing to note about this site is it’s theme of transformations: A woman starts out normal, maybe she’s hanging out in her house, but all of a sudden her fingers fuse into hooves, and before you know it BAM she’s got udders. And she doesn’t really seem to disturbed by it, in fact she seems to be getting off on it and touches herself (and her fellow transformees if they’re around). Luckily for the girls of ProjectP the artist generally depicts these transformations at home, because if this happened while they were in their cubicles at work it could make for a lot of embarrassing office gossip. “Psst, did you hear Becky has turned into a cow and is furiously milking herself in the rec room?” Yeah, that would suck, but then again if you had the right boss you might get promoted really easily.

I guess on whatever bizarro planet this happens they must be pretty sexually open. I mean, I love the few female friends I have but I don’t think I’d want to chill out with my homegirls while my tits are floppin’ around. It is good to know that cow-people have transcended human insecurity about being nude in front of others,to the point that they can sit around and fondle their udders in pairs. Right on, cow-people!

If you aren’t into udders and pregnancy is more your style, then don’t worry, ProjectP has got that too. Well, it’s not so much pregnancy as it is women-turning-into-beachballs, because unless you’re carrying a fucking platoon of infants then you should never swell up this big:

There’s many many more images where these came from and they’re all pretty good (interpret “good” however you will), so check out ProjectP!

05.18.06

Portable Pussy: Pint-Sized Pieces of Pleasure

By Ali

A while back Rob posted Gorenography, which took a look at guro. I’d like to go back to the topic now but focus not so much about just chopping up girls into pieces, but chopping them up and then stuffing them into small spaces. Yes, there are so many pictures of this that it warrants it’s own entry.

Basically, guro is a subset of hentai that is all about taking girls and eviscerating them in various horrible ways. The girls are usually young, nude, and mutilated in a way that would render them physically helpless, just ripe for the mouth-breathing nerds with button-down anime shirts whose only hope at getting pussy would be a girl who physically couldn’t get away from their sweaty, blubbery paws.

I really find the idea of chopping up a woman and putting her into a suitcase amusing. You’re packing for a vacation in the Caribbean and you think to yourself “Alright what am I forgetting… shoes, socks, suntan-lotion…. oh yeah, A GIRL!” so you go to your dresser and pull out your sobbing anime girl pieces and put them in their special suitcase and hike them out the door.

That makes me wonder: What exactly do you do with chopped up anime girls? I mean is it purely for having sex with the torso and head, or do the other limbs come into play? Do you try and maybe put her back together before you have sex with her, maybe sew her together like some frankenbitch? Do you give yourself handjobs with her severed hand while she looks on from across the room, making wimpering anime-girl noises? The mind boggles.

Then we have chopped-up girls on display. I love how the girl is placed in the box like dinosaur bones are in museums, like some rare, precious artifacts that must be preserved for all-time, and that the schoolgirl looking at them doesn’t seem at all concerned that she might be next in line to be de-limbed and stuck in a glass case.

All of these images are by Waio, a skilled artist who puts his talents to a disturbing use. I’d hate to be the one checking his luggage at an airport.

05.08.06

Grandma Knows Best

By Rob

Erotic artwork is one of my favorite things to post on this site. In the illustrated world, the shackles of reality can be removed and peoples’ deepest, darkest, weirdest fantasies are free to take shape. And usually, it’s hilarious.

Consider this series of fine art I was recently sent - it’s all about a young man and the fun he has with his Grandmother. Unfortunately I know nothing about these images or the highly disturbed individual who took a great deal of time rendering them. All I know is that, according to their tag, they originate from a site called Incest Art, which appears to be a full library of bad drawings of people having sex with their relatives.

The thing about these pictures is that someone put a lot of time and thought into them. They were really thinking hard about what they’d like to do with their dear old granny. And don’t worry - despite his boyish looks, the source site assures me that this strapping young illustrated lad is 18 years old - at least Granny waited until he was legal to seduce him.

Things start out tenderly, with Grandson gently removing Grandma’s clothes (click to enlarge):

But Grandma’s a feisty old woman - she didn’t get to be 80 years old by sitting around on her butt, you know! Grandma takes control, and shows Grandson exactly what she wants:

Funny, the only thing my Grandma ever forced me to eat was my vegetables. And speaking of eating, looks like it’s Grandma’s turn:

But enough foreplay - Grandma wants to get down to the fucking, and she likes it from all directions:

Grandma even likes it in the pooper. My Grandma always encouraged a diet that promoted good bowel health, but this is going a bit far:

In the end, not even Grandma’s home cooking can compare with the sweet taste of the fruit of her loins:

With Mother’s Day just around the corner, I thought it would be nice to turn these heartwarming images into a precious Mother’s Day e-card that you can send to your Grandma:

The Population Paste ‘Love Your Grandma’ Mother’s Day E-Card