08.16.06
By Ali
Yeah I know it’s been a while, but sadly, sometimes you need to focus on things other than women pumping gas pedals and men fucking stuffed animals. No, the internet didn’t run out of weird porn, we just ran out of time to find it (again). I hope I never have to stray from pursuing my true ambition: Watching disgusting people doing disgusting things.
Speaking of disgusting people doing disgusting things, boy howdy do I have a treat for everyone today! I know Rob and I have often said that our content is really fucked up and shouldn’t exist, but this time WE REALLY MEAN IT! This is seriously disturbing, to the point that I kind of want to hide under my bed for the rest of the day. This is not for the faint of heart, and if you have a penis then be prepared to cradle it and reassure it that you will never do anything depicted in the following pictures and video.
So let’s break it down all: In the world of BDSM there’s something called cock and ball torture, or CBT. It’s a catch-all phrase for any sort of pain inflicted on the male genitals. Quite often it will involve things like tying ropes around the gentials, piercing the penis, kicking the testes, or inserting things like medical sounds into the urethra. While I’m sure other groups find bug bites on the nipples and vulva erotic (why not, right?) it mostly seems to be a focused subset of the CBT group.
But enough of me yammering, here’s the arthrophiles in action:
Crickets don’t bite so I don’t know why he’s got droplets of blood on his dong.
As for why anyone would be into this sort of thing, I couldn’t tell you. You’d have find a man hanging around fucking anthills and ask them. If I had to guess though, I’d say it’s that the sensation of a bug bite is succinctly different from any other type of abuse another person can inflict on male genitals, and because insects are unpredictable it’s hard to tell how they’ll move or when they’ll bite.
Festering wounds are the fly equivalent of a watering hole.
After getting hella crunk on this man’s semen, the flies stagger off to explore the rest of the glans.
Some species of slug?
And I’m not even going to try and guess what those marks are, I just know penisflesh isn’t supposed to look like that.
And now, a snippet of a video from the massive and disturbing collection over at BMEVideo (if you have a membership then you might want to check this out). If I played Monopoly and drew an “Erase the memory of your choice” card, I wouldn’t use it on the time I broke my arm, or the first time a boy broke my heart, I’d use it on this. I had to crop the picture down pretty far because I can’t stand looking at the full thing. Good luck watching it, and may God have mercy on us all:
Thanks (?) to my homeboy Jon for hookin’ me up with some samples from his personal collection.
07.03.06
By Rob
When I was a kid, my family did a lot of camping. Not that shitty yuppie camping where you drive your RV to a resort campground with groomed lawns and fancy restrooms - I mean like real, out in the wilderness, pitch-a-tent-and-start-a-fire camping. And in my many hundreds of childhood hours spent exploring the vast wilderness of the Pacific Northwest, there was one precaution given to me regularly: watch for nettles. Nettles are similar to poison ivy - nondescript plants which, upon contact with the skin, cause a painful, itchy, stinging sensation. Though rarely seriously harmful, the nettle’s sting is nonetheless highly unpleasant - I can say that with experience, from my many careless romps through the forest overgrowth on those camping trips. But I hadn’t even heard the word “nettle” in well over a decade, until the other day, when I found it somewhere I never would have expected: on a porn site.
Indeed, the BDSM community’s endless quest for new ways to injure their genitalia has led them to an uncharted frontier of pain: poisonous plants. Urtication is the official term for the use of stinging nettles in sexual acts. According to urtication.com:
“Nettles cause intense burning sensations in the skin where applied, very similar to the sharp pain of a whip… But while a whipstroke comparatively fades rapidly (within an hour at least, with aching for a few more) the hot, intense burn of a nettle can last for up to 24 hours!”
Well, that sounds absolutely fantastic! Why would I only want to be in agony for an hour? The other “benefit” of nettles is that they increase sensitivity in the applied area - particularly useful for whipping and spanking, as they “turn even the most jaded iron bottoms into mewling kittens.” That’s… good to know.
But nettles aren’t just for butts - as these pictures from Club Daniela show, you can use them on nipples, and even vaginas! Hooray!
Look at the close-up of the last photo, and notice, as the site points out, that “you can see little bumps on her puffy sore labia. Those are the tiny blisters that give the stinging nettle its fearsome reputation!” Maybe I’m just a pussy, but that is about as far away from sexually appealing to me as a fresh bowl of Rosie O’Donnel’s diarrhea. Fuuuuck.
Unfortunately for all of us, stinging your birthflaps with poisonous leaves isn’t the only way to get off using potent vegetation. Figging is the sexual practice involving the insertion of ginger root or even chile peppers into the anus. Yes, while I’m busy desperately trying to avoid the little bit of ginger they put on the side of sushi dishes, some people are sticking huge chunks of it into their rectum. Naturally, this would cause an intense burning sensation, which is why the practice would never even begin to occur to 99.9 percent of the population. You could probably safely even add a few more nines onto that figure and have room to spare. Regardless, there is a devoted community of figgers in the BDSM world, and their experiences are collected at figging.com. One first-time figger describes her inaugural adventure with ginger:
“Anyway, he worked the knob of ginger into my pussy and within a minute I was writhing. It could have been worse…..I mean….he could have poured hot oil on my pussy and then lit it on fire. I managed to keep from screaming by smothering myself with the pillow. … with my pussy on fire and Eddie very obviously enjoying the show, he plugged my butt with another bit of root. Now, just let me say that my pussy apparently had NOT been on fire. Or if it was, it was a mild little smoldering fire. My asshole felt like he’d just shoved a blowtorch up inside me and went to town with it.”
You’re probably thinking how incredibly appealing that all sounds, so thankfully this how-to guide exists to aid you in your first figging experience.
Oddly, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of figging porn out there, but I did manage to find this gallery from a spanking fetish movie’s figging scene. Gooooood times.
05.10.06
By Rob
If you’re a veteran internet dweeb, there’s no doubt you know what the term “goatse” refers to. If you’re not a veteran internet dweeb, Wikipedia should give you more than you need to know, but here’s the quick and dirty: Basically, goatse.cx was a website which displayed the following image to shock unsuspecting viewers:
Yes, a man stretching his rectum to grotesque proportions. You’ve almost certainly seen that before - and if you hadn’t, well… Welcome to the other side. You can’t un-see that, my friend. You’re one of us now.
Goatse became an infamous internet meme and spawned countless netnerd jokes, Photoshoppings, and even a t-shirt. But as well-known as the goatse name and that dreadful picture have become, most people know nothing about the man behind the ass. As it turns out, his name is Kirk Johnson, and he’s kind of a big deal. Well, at least in the world of extreme male anal insertions. When it comes to rectal stretching, this guy is the king.
Kirk, or “Mr. Goatse,” as the internet has dubbed him, regularly posts photos and videos of himself on the newsgroup alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.male.anal. His acrobatic ass, which seems to defy all laws of nature, can be seen taking bottles, dildos, giant butt plugs, and his own fists. I’m going to share with you some of his best work, including a video that you have to see to believe. But first, let’s take a look at Mr. Goatse’s famous anus in its default state:
I don’t know how many people reading this have actually taken a good look at their own asshole, but I’ll give you a little tip: It’s not supposed to look like that. It’s supposed to be much, much smaller. I’m guessing that Mr. Goatse has more anal leakage than the guy who invented Olestra, and has to wear a diaper or some shit to keep it from dribbling onto his office chair while he’s preparing your taxes or whatever this guy does for a dayjob. Maybe he sticks a super-absorbency tampon up in that badboy and hopes for the best. Either way, I suppose it’s a small price to pay for having great party tricks like this one:
This one’s clever, too:
He’s just warming up, though. Let’s bring out the big guns:
Here’s my favorite - he’s actually reached his penis down and stuck it in his ass. Mr. Goatse can buttfuck himself! If this ain’t a cure for a friday night alone at home, I don’t know what is:
But really, Mr. Goatse is nothing without his signature move. A Kirk Johnson photo shoot without the famous stretch would be like a Skynyrd concert without “Freebird.” So here it is, and in the great outdoors no less:
But none of this even begins to compare with seeing Mr. G in action. This video adds a whole new dimension to the Goatse world. This is to Goatse what technicolor was to film. Ladies and Gentlemen, please click the thumbnail below to see Kirk Johnson working his special magic, in full glorious video:
To conclude, I should mention that no photo of Mr. Goatse has ever shown his face, which means that he could be your teacher, your accountant, your neighbor, or even that one creepy uncle who always hugs you a little tighter than he probably should. Wash your hands, people. Always wash your hands.
04.22.06
By Ali
The asian eel sex video has already made its rounds on the internet, but I think enough people haven’t seen it to warrant an entry. I first saw the eel sex video at a friend’s house when I was completely plastered. While I was watching it I found myself clenching my anus as tightly as possible, hoping that somehow it would prevent the girl in the video from having all those eels slide into her ass. It didn’t work.
If you don’t feel like watching this truly remarkable video, don’t worry, I’ll give you a quick summary!
This is a funnel. It is a funnel full of eels.
This is the same funnel in a cute Japanese* girl’s asshole.
Same funnel, same asshole, but where have all the eels gone?
Japanese girl’s pigtailed friend is helping her make sure those little eels stay put! :)
Oh no, what could she be doing?
Huzzah, the eels have made their triumphant return!
What do you do when something comes flying out of your ass? Rub it on your chest!
Nothing is more seductive than sticking a live butt-eel in your mouth…
… except maybe chewing it.
* (I don’t actually know if these girls are Japanese, but if you see asian girls in a fucked up sex vid then it is generally safe to assume they’re Japanese!)
I also found some other eel-sex vids and pics. Ladies, just because something is phallic does not make you obligated to shove it into your orifice. It would amaze me if there were a single phallic object left in the world that some crazy broad hasn’t already tried to ram into her holes.
04.07.06
By Rob
A number of years ago, a dingy, long-haired redneck roadie told me a story of a video he’d seen - he swore to his grave on its existence, and for me it’s been a sort of Holy Grail of bizarre internet videos ever since. The content of the video involved a small chihuahua mounting a man’s cock and fucking the man’s urethra with the dog’s tiny dick. A little dog fucking a man’s peehole. When you think about it, it’s absolutely amazing. It’s that type of perverse creativity that fascinates me into making a site like this one. There’s something about the pursuit of sexual gratification that drives people to the utmost extremes of human behavior.
My point is that for some people - men in particular - there comes a time when jacking off just isn’t enough. I suppose it’s a sort of domino effect, starting with some innocent fingering of the butthole, and ending, somewhere down the line, in the hospital. The particular example of this I’ll be discussing today is a last resort of the desperately horny. When other things just aren’t quite cutting it, these people seek pleasure… from their peeholes.
The urethra, unlike other orifices, is strictly designed for one-way activity. There’s no negotiating that - it’s the way things are. I’m not ashamed to admit that at one point in my life I’ve had the infamous STD test which involves the doctor sticking a Q-Tip into your urethra. I learned two very important things from that test: One - I don’t have chlamydia. Two - inserting an object into your peehole HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCK. It does. It really hurts. Things aren’t supposed to be in there, and your body has a rather dramatic way of telling you that. But such things are small obstacles to those determined to find new ways of pleasuring themselves - you see, for a growing number of people, inserting objects into the urethra is all kinds of fun.
In the darkest corners of the internet, you’ll find guys sticking all sorts of objects into their pee tubes. For example…
Forks (ouch):
Razors (ouch):
Vegetables (ouch):
Cell phone antennas (OUCH):
Even high heels (OOOUUUUUCH!):
But it’s not just men who get in on the fun. One video I encountered shows a woman getting fucked in her urethra. Yes, a (debatably) full-sized penis penetrating a hole so small most girls don’t even know it’s there. If you’re torrent-savvy you can download the clip, but otherwise here’s a screen cap:
A little difficult to make out, but it’s there. The dick is in the peehole, while the fingers inhabit the vagina. Fucking brutal.
If you have any doubts on the dangers of urethral insertion, I suggest watching this video, which highlights some fantastic medical cases like an Italian man shoving uncooked pasta up his peepee, and a modern-day Romeo presenting his lover with a beautiful flower… stuck in his wang.
But if you’re determined to ignore the warnings and frig your piss tunnel until it bleeds, then I suggest hopping over to Wartenbert Wheel, where you’ll find some exciting stainless steel products specifically designed for urethral insertion.
Oh, I almost forgot - I leave you with the most horrifying urethral invasion I’ve ever encountered - click the thumbnail to watch the video clip, and prepare to curl up in horror:
