12.14.06
How To Enlarge Your Penis: “The Difference Between a Hot Dog and a Salami”
So yeah, it’s been a while. We’ve been busy again. But that’s okay, because like a persistent infection, we’re back, and we have a special treat for you today.
Many years ago, some friends of mine bought a penis pump as a gag gift for another friend. The pump came with a VHS tape entitled “How To Enlarge Your Penis.” On it, an obscure gay porn star named Scott Taylor walks you through the process of enlarging your meatsicle via meticulous demonstration, and discusses his lengthy (pun intended) experiences with the pump - all in a charming wrapper of bad 80’s DIY video production. The tape was so funny and creepy and amazing that it became a thing of legend amongst our group of friends - but over the years, we lost track of the video, and we feared it gone forever, lost to the world like an ancient treasure… until last night. While digging through some old hard drives, I found a digital copy we’d made of the infamous tape - and now, I shall share it with you.
This video is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. There are so many great lines, I don’t even know where to start. For quick and convenient viewing, I’ve put together a 5 minute highlight reel on PornoTube:
But if you want the true experience, I highly recommend watching the full 15 minute feature:
We’ll be back with a “bigger” (pun again intended) update soon. No, really.
Robin the mad photographer said,
December 14, 2006 at 10:02 pm
…and THAT facial expression is why most of us prefer to close our eyes during sex, rather than risk laughing one’s ass off at one’s partner’s goofy “come face”. The 5-minute clip was bad enough, Rob–I don’t think I could handle (no pun intended; I wouldn’t “handle” that guy with the proverbial 10-foot…oh, never mind…) the complete 15 minutes’ worth. Any idea what happened to this particular actor, BTW? I know John Stagliano went on to bigger and better things (oh, crimony, the bad puns write themselves)…
Pyramide said,
December 15, 2006 at 12:48 pm
He died of AIDS, acording to Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scott_Taylor_(porn_star)
Milky Joe said,
December 15, 2006 at 3:16 pm
Creepy random acts of “greasy” masturbation there.
Like to recommend www.fat-pie.com by the way, kind of what Rob would be doing if he made flash and was British - www.fat-pie.com/love.htm
Mercy said,
December 15, 2006 at 3:39 pm
Well, that is just the sexiest sound ever when he removes the pump from his “meat”. Gack!!!
Joe said,
December 15, 2006 at 6:20 pm
Fucking hell! Classic! “I’ll show you whats happening” *pushes down on tube making fart sound*
McGeek said,
December 15, 2006 at 9:56 pm
I love that he keeps his shirt and hat on through the whole video. A man’s gotta keep his dignity afterall.
lindsey said,
December 15, 2006 at 10:14 pm
“A rug burn, but in the flesh”? Is there any other kind?
Anonymous said,
December 17, 2006 at 6:00 pm
wow…
if you like rugburns on your penis! this is the thing for you!
this is not an instructional video
if it were it would not be fifteen minutes long
and full of him massaging his big scary greased up penis.
the tube queefed as he pulled out. X_x ga-ross.
Becca said,
December 18, 2006 at 3:12 am
heh..”" ‘its like another mans penis…. but I know its mine. (strokes non-inlarged balls) oooh yeah. “”
nightshade said,
December 18, 2006 at 7:31 am
Wow, I want one now. Does the Pump come with Scott Taylor?
Atvaark said,
December 19, 2006 at 2:57 pm
just wondering, when do you start talking about docking? a man fucking another man’s dick? i’ve heard of it, but never saw it. someone has to do some research on that shit.
ARDVARK BEYOTCH said,
December 27, 2006 at 4:26 am
This is pure ADULT RATED silly pants.
Foxorz said,
January 4, 2007 at 6:04 am
“it feels different in my hand because it’s bigger. and my hand only knows one size. and now that it’s pumped up to a different size it feels bigger. and my dick feels bigger with my hand on it.”
hahaha what?!
cori said,
January 10, 2007 at 2:20 am
oh, dear god.
i actually can’t believe i just sat through that….
it might have actually been the single most amusing/disturbing thing i’ve ever witnessed.
that queefing sound will be with me for the rest of my life now.
thanks rob.
Big Dick Danny said,
January 26, 2007 at 10:17 pm
Love it!
Derly said,
January 28, 2007 at 9:41 pm
i like Scott taylor showing how to pump your dick ! hot stuff
anon said,
January 28, 2007 at 11:55 pm
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST…..
i have been corrupted =p
Good Stuff
Petter said,
February 7, 2007 at 10:29 am
Well, that is just fore the lady to watch!
http://toltec.freakz.eu
Gem said,
March 24, 2007 at 4:54 pm
O lordy. It looks like his cock has kind of been stuck on there.
Nice back drop (jukebox?!) and 70’s styley cartoon ending.
Also, bonus pouting.
rocka said,
April 27, 2007 at 11:12 pm
that was the best thing I have ever seen
lol
Ash said,
May 6, 2007 at 7:47 pm
OMG LOL
It feels different in my hand, because it’s bigger,
and my hand only knows one size,
so now when it’s pumped up to a larger size,
it really feels different in my hand,
at the same time, my dick feels bigger with my hand on it,
fucking hot, it’s like somebody elses dick,
but I know it’s mine.
monkfish said,
July 21, 2007 at 1:19 pm
I’m quivering with pleasure and pain.
Sian said,
August 6, 2007 at 8:40 am
OMG..that was the funniest!
and the queef was the creme de la creme!
SkinDick said,
September 16, 2007 at 1:12 pm
I have tried and tried to download the 15-minute version, but can’t. Please re-post it in a friendlier format…the Quik-Time says I cannot download the ’software’ necessary to view it online, and I can’t find updates anywhere.
Scott Taylor is an ICON of the pumping fetishists…as one look at his Tool will prove. He was only 5 foot 5 inches tall - and his Organ was WAY out of proportion with his body at over 11 inches.
A true HorseMan.
Hail COCK!
Extreme said,
October 11, 2007 at 7:17 pm
That was probably one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life!
It feels different in my hand, because it’s bigger, and my hand only knows one size, so now when it’s pumped up to a larger size, it really feels different in my hand, at the same time, my dick feels bigger with my hand on it. HAHAHAHAHA WHAT!?
drooget said,
October 14, 2007 at 6:00 pm
The video don’t work!
Please fix?
Doogy said,
October 19, 2007 at 2:21 am
Anyone know how I can email this to a friend??
Fargonian Prince said,
November 3, 2007 at 6:29 am
blech….
Anonymous said,
November 12, 2007 at 11:52 pm
i
luv
it
Anonymous said,
November 18, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Right after saying “how big it gets and how fleshy it gets”, when turns towards the camera, he looks kinda like Christian Bale.
(Don’t just look at it! Eat it!)
Cortes said,
November 29, 2007 at 8:51 pm
This should have been the premise of American Psycho.
Doogy said,
December 21, 2007 at 12:27 am
anyone know where I can get more of Scott Taylors videos??
Doogy said,
December 21, 2007 at 12:27 am
anyone know where I can get more of Scott Taylors videos??
Anonymous said,
December 28, 2007 at 12:53 am
4:05-4:06: ….ya gotta love that smacking sound
asshole said,
January 22, 2008 at 1:15 am
Hey fuckers. FUCK YOU ALL.
Adrian said,
January 28, 2008 at 9:02 am
That might be the fucking most funniest thing I have ever seen. I had tears by the end of it. Fucking funny. Good one, Rob!
Alex said,
March 5, 2008 at 5:22 am
My gods, does he masturbate to “Sounds of the Ocean”??? That creepy breathing thing he did every time he rubbed his hand over the pump XD
I’m too tired, this video is going to give me nightmares, thanks a lot :P
I do wonder why they finally threw in at the end of the video that it feels like rugburn?? Was this some sort of legal requirement?
limak mcdougal said,
March 19, 2008 at 11:57 am
Thats amazing.
wamu said,
April 5, 2008 at 11:59 pm
…
NekoNeko said,
June 6, 2008 at 3:20 pm
I just love how he’d start saying something that made him sound as if he loved gay sex or encounters, then suddenly try to tack something on that would make him sound straight. You kind of just want to tell him to give it up– he likes mangina. That doesn’t mean that he can’t like VAgina as well. LOL!
chile said,
June 10, 2008 at 7:46 pm
vi el video o mas bien me entere de el por un programa de hay que lo busco me gustaria tener una copia como puedo consegir una
I see the video onse in a tv report of sexuality and I look for that video so many years how I contact to you or how I can dowload the complete video
Bigcocksrock said,
June 13, 2008 at 11:51 pm
DUDE! How duz he not get horny and hard when hes sliding that grease all over his sexy mother fuckin dixc? SERIOUSLY! ITS SO HOTT! I JUST WANNA SHOVE IT UP MY MAN ASS! His dick is sooooooooo fuckin hott! I WANT TI! I NEED IT! OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!
blastfurnace62 said,
June 22, 2008 at 3:50 pm
THAT MAN IS HOT…. i really dig the way he can play to both gays and straights simultaneously –does he do gay porn too?
cockpump said,
June 25, 2008 at 11:08 am
Thats just to funny. All them lines, this man deserves awards. Man this guy could make anything seem cool. I think i’ll have a cock pump party this weekend lol.