05.12.06

My Sexy Pony

By Ali

In today’s high-stress world, sometimes it’s nice to get away from it all in the great outdoors. Maybe you could go to a friend’s farm out in rural Pennsylvania and relax, or maybe go hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Or maybe your idea of getting away from it all is to slap on some hooves and a bit and prance around outside (pic from shadowplayers.com):

Pony play is, like the name suggests, people who pretend to be horses. They get stabled, groomed, hosed down, hooved, get led around by the reins, and even pull carts and carry human riders on their backs. I’m sure most of us have at least dabbled in making our partners carry us around on their backs in a moment of silliness, but pony play takes it to a new level.

There’s a variety of different kinds of ponies. You have the show ponies, which get dressed up really well and prance about, they are more about looks than actually carrying riders. Spellbound from water-hole.com (a maker of fine pony gear) would be a good example of a show pony:

Then you’ve got the cart ponies, which can be either gender. They pull their masters in small carts, sometimes solo and sometimes in pairs:

And finally you have ones that carry human riders, as best seen on The Human Equine which is run by a burly ponyboy named Trigger. His major goal in life appears to be to allow as many women to ride him as humanly possible, to the point that he rents himself out to parties for women to ride him. A noble cause to be sure, and in all honesty if he asked me to ride him I’d probably go for it.

There’s also a subset of ponies who really like wearing full body latex. I can’t exactly tell why, as most real ponies I’ve seen are pretty fuzzy and not at all rubbery, but I guess if I can accept the fact that there are people who want to dress up and canter around like horses, I can accept that some of them would like to be wearing head-to-toe latex while doing it. I only bring this up because I wanted to have an excuse to post this picture:

There’s many more pictures and a fuller description of pony play at the-stampede.com, and I’m throwing this picture in because it is topical, but mostly because there’s someone on the right who looks like they’re made of water and I can’t stop laughing about it:

If you would like to learn more, check out this must see video, which is actually the entire reason I wrote this entry: My Sexy Pony!

05.10.06

Ladies And Gentlemen… Mr. Goatse.

By Rob

If you’re a veteran internet dweeb, there’s no doubt you know what the term “goatse” refers to. If you’re not a veteran internet dweeb, Wikipedia should give you more than you need to know, but here’s the quick and dirty: Basically, goatse.cx was a website which displayed the following image to shock unsuspecting viewers:

Yes, a man stretching his rectum to grotesque proportions. You’ve almost certainly seen that before - and if you hadn’t, well… Welcome to the other side. You can’t un-see that, my friend. You’re one of us now.

Goatse became an infamous internet meme and spawned countless netnerd jokes, Photoshoppings, and even a t-shirt. But as well-known as the goatse name and that dreadful picture have become, most people know nothing about the man behind the ass. As it turns out, his name is Kirk Johnson, and he’s kind of a big deal. Well, at least in the world of extreme male anal insertions. When it comes to rectal stretching, this guy is the king.

Kirk, or “Mr. Goatse,” as the internet has dubbed him, regularly posts photos and videos of himself on the newsgroup alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.male.anal. His acrobatic ass, which seems to defy all laws of nature, can be seen taking bottles, dildos, giant butt plugs, and his own fists. I’m going to share with you some of his best work, including a video that you have to see to believe. But first, let’s take a look at Mr. Goatse’s famous anus in its default state:

I don’t know how many people reading this have actually taken a good look at their own asshole, but I’ll give you a little tip: It’s not supposed to look like that. It’s supposed to be much, much smaller. I’m guessing that Mr. Goatse has more anal leakage than the guy who invented Olestra, and has to wear a diaper or some shit to keep it from dribbling onto his office chair while he’s preparing your taxes or whatever this guy does for a dayjob. Maybe he sticks a super-absorbency tampon up in that badboy and hopes for the best. Either way, I suppose it’s a small price to pay for having great party tricks like this one:

This one’s clever, too:

He’s just warming up, though. Let’s bring out the big guns:

Here’s my favorite - he’s actually reached his penis down and stuck it in his ass. Mr. Goatse can buttfuck himself! If this ain’t a cure for a friday night alone at home, I don’t know what is:

But really, Mr. Goatse is nothing without his signature move. A Kirk Johnson photo shoot without the famous stretch would be like a Skynyrd concert without “Freebird.” So here it is, and in the great outdoors no less:

But none of this even begins to compare with seeing Mr. G in action. This video adds a whole new dimension to the Goatse world. This is to Goatse what technicolor was to film. Ladies and Gentlemen, please click the thumbnail below to see Kirk Johnson working his special magic, in full glorious video:

To conclude, I should mention that no photo of Mr. Goatse has ever shown his face, which means that he could be your teacher, your accountant, your neighbor, or even that one creepy uncle who always hugs you a little tighter than he probably should. Wash your hands, people. Always wash your hands.

05.08.06

Grandma Knows Best

By Rob

Erotic artwork is one of my favorite things to post on this site. In the illustrated world, the shackles of reality can be removed and peoples’ deepest, darkest, weirdest fantasies are free to take shape. And usually, it’s hilarious.

Consider this series of fine art I was recently sent - it’s all about a young man and the fun he has with his Grandmother. Unfortunately I know nothing about these images or the highly disturbed individual who took a great deal of time rendering them. All I know is that, according to their tag, they originate from a site called Incest Art, which appears to be a full library of bad drawings of people having sex with their relatives.

The thing about these pictures is that someone put a lot of time and thought into them. They were really thinking hard about what they’d like to do with their dear old granny. And don’t worry - despite his boyish looks, the source site assures me that this strapping young illustrated lad is 18 years old - at least Granny waited until he was legal to seduce him.

Things start out tenderly, with Grandson gently removing Grandma’s clothes (click to enlarge):

But Grandma’s a feisty old woman - she didn’t get to be 80 years old by sitting around on her butt, you know! Grandma takes control, and shows Grandson exactly what she wants:

Funny, the only thing my Grandma ever forced me to eat was my vegetables. And speaking of eating, looks like it’s Grandma’s turn:

But enough foreplay - Grandma wants to get down to the fucking, and she likes it from all directions:

Grandma even likes it in the pooper. My Grandma always encouraged a diet that promoted good bowel health, but this is going a bit far:

In the end, not even Grandma’s home cooking can compare with the sweet taste of the fruit of her loins:

With Mother’s Day just around the corner, I thought it would be nice to turn these heartwarming images into a precious Mother’s Day e-card that you can send to your Grandma:

The Population Paste ‘Love Your Grandma’ Mother’s Day E-Card

05.07.06

Looners: I Like Big Balloons and I Cannot Lie

By Ali

One of the best parts about running Population Paste is the educational experience that comes with it, and the expanded vocabulary that one can only get by actively seeking out this nonsense. Today’s word is “looner,” which is slang for a balloon fetishist. Yeah you read that right, balloons. The same ones you knew and loved from your childhood. Those balloons are now being humped by men and women across the globe, who squeal with glee when their latex lovers pop.

Here’s a rather cute dame from balloooons getting her kicks out of nearly, but not quite, popping a balloon:

I gleaned most of my information about looners from Deviant Desires, which explains the two main camps in the looner community, the poppers and non-poppers. As it explains:

For many looners, the primary jolt of sexual arousal comes from the fear/anticipation/shock of a balloon popping. Looners divide themselves up into occasionally contentious camps around the issue of “to pop or not to pop.” Non-poppers sometimes say that they “just want to give the balloon a chance” whereas for poppers, if the balloon doesn’t pop, neither do they.

I’m not sure what giving “the balloon a chance” really means so I’ll just take their word for it that giving a balloon a chance to not be popped is erotic. So now that we’ve got that squared away, let’s get to the pictures! I found a lot of good stuff at ballon-porn-fetish.

I’m not really sure if I fully understand the balloon fetish but I think part of the fun is watching a girl inflate a balloon really big, and the real fun comes in the surprise of not knowing when it’s going to pop, and what her reaction is going to be. I’m not sure WHY that’s erotic but I guess that’s why I’m not a looner.

There are also the surreal vintage balloon fetish site, and gay looners such as Buster who take pictures of themselves pressing large balloons against their groins.

And how can you have a balloon fetish without actually buying the balloons? Of of the more impressive sites that specifically caters to balloon fetishists is BigBoysBalloons, which features some rather impressive images. Here’s one:

Special thanks to dirty hippie Clayton for reminding me that balloon fetishists exist.

05.05.06

Hoping You Are Pleased Using The Magic Cone™!

By Rob

Here at Population Paste, we’re about more than just grossing you out. We’re about education, and yes, even helping people. No, really. We are.

With that in mind, I’m going to give you a break from the usual ungodly horrors of our site and bring you an informative public service announcement - specifically for the ladies.

Not to rub it in girls, but the ability to pee standing up is one of the better perks of being a dude. It’s fun, it’s easy, it’s convenient, and we even have our own special toilets designed just for the occasion. Aren’t you jealous? Of course you are. After all, the best you can really do is pull up your meat and spray like so, which is bound to make a mess. So what’s a girl to do? This little device might just hold the answer:

Yes, Magic Cone™ is a small disposable funnel that cups around your pee patch and guides your urine outward, allowing you to stand up and project your stream much like a man does! But don’t take it from me - I’ll let the fantastic broken English of the Magic Cone™ website describe this revolutionary device’s many benefits:

Magic Cone is a means through which females can urinate in standing position.

Magic Cone helps you to be less undressed, while urinating, comparing to the ordinary ways.

In schools, discos, restaurants and all public and gathering places, Magic Cone is amazing device.

Okay, so obviously now you’re sold - you’re ready for your own Magic Cone™. But naturally, you’re afraid. What if you do it wrong, and get pee all over yourself? What if everyone at the disco laughs at you? Thankfully, Magic Cone™ has enlisted First Lady Laura Bush to demonstrate the usage of Magic Cone™ for you:

Thanks Mrs. Bush - but like your husband’s answers to difficult questions, those instructions were a bit vague. Maybe the Bushs’ drunken First Daughter Jenna can clear things up a bit in this step-by-step animation explaining the proper usage of Magic Cone™. Really, please click that. It’s amazing.

That brings our public service announcement to an end. And since I feel a little uncomfortable posting something (arguably) non porn-related, here are some fun pictures of girls peeing standing up without Magic Cone™ - courtesy of the fine folks at Pissing In Action (my favorite is the third one, where she’s happily peeing on some frat boy who’s clearly responding with “yo, what da fuck brah??”):

05.04.06

Teenage Mutant Ninja Pornstars

By Ali

As both a child of the 80s and a major tomboy, I grew up loving the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I wanted nothing more than to have my own Pizza Shooter van, and I thought Raphael was awesome. I never did like Michaelangelo because he refused to take anything seriously and I just wasn’t down with that, plus everyone else liked him and I didn’t want to be part of the status quo. He got all the fans, and all the popularity.

Apparently he got all the action, as well.

The video you are about to see is one of the most jaw-dropping things, strange as hell things I have ever seen (as of before I started working on this website, at least). I found it on Something Awful, and I have no idea where it originally came from, but I am glad it exists. Click on the image below to watch the movie file: