05.26.06

Teddy Babes: When You’re Stuffed With Loneliness

By Rob

We’ve previously featured cheap sex dolls and people who fuck their stuffed animals, but I never would have imagined that the two would ever come together. Enter Teddy Babes, the first and only plush love dolls.

Teddy Babes are exactly what they sound like - instead of stuffed animals, they are life-sized stuffed girls, and they actually look like they’re very well-made. Of course, they would hold no appeal to plushophiles, as plushies are only interested in stuffed animals. Rather, these plush vixens seem to be targeted at a uniquely lonely type of man who wants a sex doll he can sleep and cuddle with at night - like a giant, D-cupped teddy bear. But don’t think that the cuddly nature of Teddy Babes means they can’t get down to business when you’re ready for more than a snuggle, as Teddy Babes come fully equipped with a velvety vaginal opening - which, as shown below, can be removed for cleaning. That would be an embarrassing mix-up at the laundry mat, wouldn’t it? “Excuse me, Sir, I think I found your, um, plush girlfriend’s vagina in with my socks.”

Teddy Babes come in a variety of different models to suit your individual tastes. Although, as the website says, “There’s really no reason to settle for just one. Collect them all, and create your own Teddy Babes harem!” At this point I can only picture some fat, lonely, middle-aged man - some sort of living embodiment of The Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons - arriving home after a hard day at work to his dirty little apartment, and entering the bedroom to find his Teddy Babe harem, lying naked in wait for their tubby master. He then makes love to them, passionately, and when he is done he sits on his bed, naked, eating chips, his harem positioned all around him, their breasts stained with Cheeto residue, happily snuggling with him while he watches his Babylon 5 DVDs in sweet, post-coital bliss.

If that scenario sounds like something that’s been missing from your life, you probably have some burning questions about Teddy Babes. The website’s FAQ is full of answers to important issues such as “What is her butt like?” Yes, they have an answer:

A Teddy Babe’s rear-end is round and sexy. It’s very squeezable and “spankable.”

Eww.

But thorough though the FAQ is, I had some of my own questions about Teddy Babes that simply weren’t covered on the website. So I wrote the following e-mail to Teddy Babes:

Hello,

I am considering purchasing a Teddy Babe, but I have some specific needs and would like to ask a few questions. I have purchased several love dolls in the past, and have been unhappy with the plastic/rubber feel of the skin, so naturally I am wondering if the soft plush of Teddy Babes would be a viable alternative.

Question: I am interested in urinating on my Teddy Babe. Would this damage the Teddy Babe, and if so to what extent? Generally I only drink water so my urine would not be particularly potent, thus odor is not an issue. I would only urinate on her when she has misbehaved, so I am not anticipating this to occur more than once a week. However, I would not want to cause any lasting damage to my Teddy Babe.

Question: Is it possible to custom order a Teddy Babe with red stuffing inside, such that a cut or tear in the Teddy Babe’s “skin” would produce red “blood”? I enjoy rough sex with my love dolls and would be interested in seeing realistic wounds as a result. Naturally, I would be willing to pay extra for such a customization.

Question: Are you aware of any way to simulate the mark of a branding iron on my Teddy Babe’s “skin”? I would like to brand my name onto my Teddy Babe’s buttocks, as one would do to cattle, so she understands she is my property and should act as such - however, I understand that using an actual branding iron on a plush woman would probably catch it on fire.

Question: How stain resistant are Teddy Babes,
particularly from substances like semen, feces, blood, and peanut butter? Just out of curiosity.

Thank you for your time and for providing such a unique product.

The fine folks at Teddy Babes actually wrote me back, and gave this response:

In answer to your questions, our Teddy Babes are essentially like stuffed animals. So, in terms of staining or damange, they would hold up as well (or as badly) as pretty much any other stuffed toy or teddy bear would under such conditions. Incidental semen stains and the like can be cleaned with a little soap and water (or Woolite), but we don’t recommend getting your Teddy Babe soaking wet or applying things like feces or peanut butter, which will obviously damage the doll. :-) We also don’t offer customized dolls at this time, but maybe in the future. Also, given that our doll is a stuffed toy based on a sewn pattern, if you cut them to simulate an open wound, it would likely result in distorting the doll’s overall shape.
In terms of branding, our dolls are made of plush fabric, which would likely catch on fire, yes. But there’s always airbrush paint or various kinds of stencils, which might achieve the desired effect.
;-)

Hope that helps. Thanks for your interest in Teddy Babes.

Yes, yes that definitely helped. And kudos on the impressively professional response. Now my mind is made up, as I’m sure yours is, so head on over to the order page and sign up for your own Teddy Babe, at the low price of $650.00 each.

Thanks to Telivarn for the link.

05.22.06

I’m a Cowgirl, Baby

By Ali

Image editing software like Photoshop and it’s ilk can be tremendously powerful tools. I mostly use Photoshop to tweak the colors in photos and add pictures of cocks in my friends’ mouths, but it’s capable of doing much more. In the case of Photoshop, the liquify filter allows you to shape and morph your pictures in a realistic way, and you can easily draw elements of a picture from scratch using various brushes. With a skilled-enough artist you can get extremely realistic, vivid results.

Which is exactly what Nexus T of ProjectP does, only the images are quite often of women minding their own business who slowly morph into cow-people, udders a-burstin’ out of their pants.

What really gets me about all of this is that the image manipulations, while they have a slight cartoony quality to them, are really good. The lighting and foreshortening is spot-on. I’d imagne the artist probably had some sort of formal training and does image manipulation for a living, but he [NOTE: I am assuming it is a dude because, come on, can you really picture a girl making this?] has decided to use his skills for evil, like some sort of artsy Darth Vader. He’d be like “I have altered the image. Pray I don’t alter it any further.” I don’t know what draws some people to the dark side of the Photoshop, but it does result in some interesting pictures so I’m glad it happens!

A lot of this is furry-oriented, so of course you’ve got a variety of different animals, from the donkey:

to the mouse:

One thing to note about this site is it’s theme of transformations: A woman starts out normal, maybe she’s hanging out in her house, but all of a sudden her fingers fuse into hooves, and before you know it BAM she’s got udders. And she doesn’t really seem to disturbed by it, in fact she seems to be getting off on it and touches herself (and her fellow transformees if they’re around). Luckily for the girls of ProjectP the artist generally depicts these transformations at home, because if this happened while they were in their cubicles at work it could make for a lot of embarrassing office gossip. “Psst, did you hear Becky has turned into a cow and is furiously milking herself in the rec room?” Yeah, that would suck, but then again if you had the right boss you might get promoted really easily.

I guess on whatever bizarro planet this happens they must be pretty sexually open. I mean, I love the few female friends I have but I don’t think I’d want to chill out with my homegirls while my tits are floppin’ around. It is good to know that cow-people have transcended human insecurity about being nude in front of others,to the point that they can sit around and fondle their udders in pairs. Right on, cow-people!

If you aren’t into udders and pregnancy is more your style, then don’t worry, ProjectP has got that too. Well, it’s not so much pregnancy as it is women-turning-into-beachballs, because unless you’re carrying a fucking platoon of infants then you should never swell up this big:

There’s many many more images where these came from and they’re all pretty good (interpret “good” however you will), so check out ProjectP!

05.20.06

Buck Angel: The Man With A Pussy

By Rob

The title of this post pretty much says it all: Buck Angel is a man with a pussy. Or, more technically speaking, Buck Angel is a transsexual former woman who has gone to great lengths to look as overly masculine as possible, but kept the ol’ vagina perfectly in tact. Yes, the person in these pictures is female, biologically speaking - but the miracles of surgery and hormone therapy have transformed her into more of a man than I’ll ever be. And what do you do with your life when you’ve turned into a boy but kept your girl bits? Naturally, you become a porn star.

Buck Angel is the self-proclaimed “first and only female-to-male transsexual porn star.” Seeing him/her/it in action is kind of like the visual equivalent of patting your head and rubbing your belly: Your brain just can’t quite process what’s going on. Something about the Lobo-esque comic masculinity of muscles and tattoos and a handlebar mustache make it ever so much more disturbing when your eyes pan down to where the twig ‘n berries ought to be, and instead find a weird, bald, giant-clitted mangina in their place:

The sad thing is, penis or no penis, he could totally kick my ass.

Buck’s internet empire spans not one, but three websites: his/her/its official site, his/her/its pay site, and his/her/its blog site. On the official site you’ll find The Buck Store, where you can purchase Mr. Angel’s many feature films, including Buck Fever, Buck’s Beaver, More Bang For Your Buck, and of course, The Adventures Of Buck Naked (Director’s Cut).

And, best of all? For a mere five dollars you can own this beautiful 8×10, signed by Buck himself:

I’d be interested to know what type of person considers Buck Angel enough of a hero to actually order this and display it in their home. I’m guessing it’s not a pretty sight.

Thanks to McGeek for the link.

05.18.06

Portable Pussy: Pint-Sized Pieces of Pleasure

By Ali

A while back Rob posted Gorenography, which took a look at guro. I’d like to go back to the topic now but focus not so much about just chopping up girls into pieces, but chopping them up and then stuffing them into small spaces. Yes, there are so many pictures of this that it warrants it’s own entry.

Basically, guro is a subset of hentai that is all about taking girls and eviscerating them in various horrible ways. The girls are usually young, nude, and mutilated in a way that would render them physically helpless, just ripe for the mouth-breathing nerds with button-down anime shirts whose only hope at getting pussy would be a girl who physically couldn’t get away from their sweaty, blubbery paws.

I really find the idea of chopping up a woman and putting her into a suitcase amusing. You’re packing for a vacation in the Caribbean and you think to yourself “Alright what am I forgetting… shoes, socks, suntan-lotion…. oh yeah, A GIRL!” so you go to your dresser and pull out your sobbing anime girl pieces and put them in their special suitcase and hike them out the door.

That makes me wonder: What exactly do you do with chopped up anime girls? I mean is it purely for having sex with the torso and head, or do the other limbs come into play? Do you try and maybe put her back together before you have sex with her, maybe sew her together like some frankenbitch? Do you give yourself handjobs with her severed hand while she looks on from across the room, making wimpering anime-girl noises? The mind boggles.

Then we have chopped-up girls on display. I love how the girl is placed in the box like dinosaur bones are in museums, like some rare, precious artifacts that must be preserved for all-time, and that the schoolgirl looking at them doesn’t seem at all concerned that she might be next in line to be de-limbed and stuck in a glass case.

All of these images are by Waio, a skilled artist who puts his talents to a disturbing use. I’d hate to be the one checking his luggage at an airport.

05.14.06

Mother’s Day Special: Fetus-Poking Fun!

By Rob

Since it’s Mother’s Day (and I’m sure you’ve already sent your Grandma her special mother’s day card), I figured what better way to celebrate than with some pictures of mommies-to-be getting ass-banged while they squirt breast milk all over some creepy dude’s face. We’ve previously discussed male pregnancy fetishism, so now we’ll address its more obvious counterpart: Maiesiophilia - or, the sexual attraction to pregnant women. I really don’t get this one. I mean, I know it’s the beautiful miracle of life and all of that, but honestly - who the fuck jacks off to pictures like these:

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg - let’s get to some action. After all, as any devoted Maiesiophiliac would tell you: “If they’re already pregnant, they must like to fuck!” You’d think even the grungiest of porn chicks would lay off on the gang bangs while a new life is growing inside them - but alas, you would do so with naive optimism:

I mean, I guess Mom has to pay for diapers and formula somehow, but you really have to wonder about the future of the poor children inside these bellies. While most expectant mothers are picking out cribs and going to lamaze class and trying to take care of themselves, some responsible future mommies are getting paid to let skeezy porn chicks tickle Junior’s head:

Honestly, that just can’t be good for the baby.

At pregnantstore.com, you’ll find a disturbingly wide variety of movies involving both pregnant women and lactation - like these gems starring incredibly creepy older men who love to drink breast milk:

If that’s all a little too vanilla for your pregnant porn needs, you might try Xtreme Pregnant Bondage, where preggo chicks are tied up, whipped, gagged, and clamped:

So next time you’re thinking that maybe abortion should be illegal, think of the babies who would honestly be a lot better off dangling from a coat hanger than they would being raised by some of the mommies you’ve just witnessed. Happy Mother’s Day, everyone!

05.13.06

Busty Baby Dolls: Get Lost In Their Lard

By Rob

Since last week I shared some lovely pictures of naked fat white men, I figured it was only fair that I balance it with some pictures of naked fat black women. All of this material comes courtesy of Busty Baby Dolls, which has been my favorite destination for big black butts ever since my subscription to Big Black Butt Magazine ran out.

“Busty Baby Dolls” is a slightly misleading name for this site as - at least to me - the term “busty” implies large breasts - not large everything. Big boobs don’t count if they’re only there because your body ran out of other places to store your latest triple cheeseburger. If giant sacks of lard count as “busty,” then these sexy juggs are bustier than most of the ones I’ve ever touched.

But enough talk - let’s get right to the fine ladies of Busty Baby Dolls, starting with some hott lesbian love. Somehow, when I think about girl-on-girl action - and, yes, I may have, on one or two occasions, thought about girl-on-girl action - this isn’t what comes to mind (be sure to click to enlarge these ladies to their full size):

As you may have gathered, giant cottage cheese asses are a specialty over at Busty Baby Dolls. Here are some fine specimens of asses you could lose your keys in:

To see more candidates for the Miss White Castle 2007 Calendar, head on over to BBD’s free tour. And to see some of these behemoths in action, watch the video preview. The blowjob scene might be one of the grossest things ever.

I’ll leave you with this one last eye-scarring image: