When Jimi Hendrix died, the world lost a great guitarist. Up until today though, I was unaware of an even greater loss to humanity: Jimi’s gigantic cock.

Fortunately for us, Cynthia P Caster had the amazing foresight to preserve his penis in plaster for all eternity, and you can buy a copy of it for $1,500! It’s detailed too, right down to the wrinkles on his sack and the pencil-sized vein running along the side.

As to why Cynthia got started making penis casts, read on:

Cynthia Plaster Caster began making plaster casts of rock stars’ erect penises in 1968. Begun originally as a goof, and as a way to meet the idols of her affection, the project has consumed the last 35 years of her life. Rock stars, their roadies, their managers as well as other peripheral players central to the rock scene have been cast in varying degrees of glory and arousal. In an ironic twist of fate, Cynthia’s fame now eclipses some of the names she once stooped to immortalize in plaster. As if erect penises were not enough, in 2000 she began casting breasts as well.

She now makes casts of rockstar schlong to raise money for charity, giving money to musicians and artists in need. It’s a really strange way to raise money, but in all honesty I’m fucking sold on it. I think owning a cast of Clint Mansell’s (of Pop Will Eat Itself fame) huge fucking moosecock would be pretty awesome. I mean it’s only $750 and I like his music, and I also enjoy creeping out my guests, so what better way to do it than by plopping a plaster copy of Clint’s crooked meat log on the coffee table? And as an added bonus, whenever rivetheads come over to visit I could point it out and I’d get like a million scene points because Clint Mansell’s cock is industrial as fuck. In all its glory:

There’s also a lot of other musician cocks she’s got that I’m not particularly familiar with, probably because I mostly listen to faggy synth shit and people banging on pots and pans, but check out this stumpy beast belonging to a dude called Momus:

Can’t get enough plaster of penis? You can buy sets!

And she does boobs too! She did Peaches‘ peaches and they came out pretty lopsided, but I would still consider buying them and maybe putting magnets on the backs and sticking them on my fridge. I could use them to hold up the grocery list and shit!

Honestly, if I were a rockstar I’d be so down with this. That could be because I have no sense of shame, but I’d like to think it’s because I want to help poor musicians. Cynthia P Caster, if you ever decide to do molds of the tits of obscure webmasters then let me know ok?

Thanks to Garrett for the link, and if anyone wants to know what to get me for Christmas then look no further.

Posted in inanimate objects at 1:09 am