I’ll admit it, I’m a pig. I love food, I love eating, and I especially love desserts. Chocolate-covered strawberries, coconut custard pies, cheesecakes, you name it and I probably want to shove that shit down my throat. The pleasure I get from food comes solely from eating it, however. At no point in time do I feel the need to strip down and apply the foodstuffs to my body.

Enter MessyFun and MessyChixxx, sites dedicated to people covering themselves with various sloppy, messy, disgusting substances, the most popular of which appears to be whipped-cream pies. Yes, the very pies popularized by slapstick clown acts that have delighted children for years are now delighting creepy old men.

I’ll be perfectly honest here: If someone came up to me and said “Hey Ali, we’ll pay you $5,000 if you sat around in a bikini and we photographed people throwing pies at you,” I’d do it in a goddamn heart-beat. It’s a weird fetish, but it doesn’t strike me as completely repulsive, and in fact it almost seems fun, albeit in a completely non-erotic way.

There’s nothing funnier than a woman that’s all dressed up, smushing a pie in her face. It’s so absurd. If you’re all dressed up, why are you going to ruin your getup with pie? Unless she got dressed up specifically to pie herself in style, which is entirely within the realm of possibility.

I am at a loss in finding a way that this picture could ever stir someone’s loins.

And what happens when two mess aficionados fall in love? Naturally, they have a messy wedding! The site says that “When the ceremony is over, Joey instigates some trouble and everyone ends up completely covered — and topless — in mud.” Classy.

Alright this is pretty cool. If I had a French maid at my disposal, I’d probably pay her a little extra if she’d let me throw pies at her because, come on, it looks pretty funny!

This reminds me of a story. A few years back I knew a few dominatrices, and one of the stories told to me was the story of a man who had a pie fetish. He would request that a cart of pies be brought in, of all types, and he asked the dominatrices to slowly recite the name of the pie, then throw it at his fully clothed body. If it was key lime pie, she had to say “Key lime pie!” before throwing it at his face. He said that the naming of the pie was absolutely essential for him to get off. Go figure.

A homage to Nickelodeon: Green slime!

Finally, this is the happiest pie-covered girl I have ever seen in my life.

Many thanks to windy city for the link!

Posted in indescribable smut at 1:13 am