I can’t remember the first time I found the Dolphin Sex FAQ, but I’m quite sure I was in my early teens, and it had a big impact on me. I think it was my first real hint that the internet wasn’t a place of fun and joy, but a place full of scary people who wanted weird sex. Sadly, dolphinsex.org is currently down, but the nice animal fuckers at zoophile.net have ensured that this precious information is not lost to the world. In addition to instructions on how to tell genders apart and how to gauge the sexual willingness of a dolphin, it contains the all-important tips to make sweet aquatic love to them.
There are many interesting parts in the article, but the best part by far is the “What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me?” response. Here’s a few informative snippets, interspersed with pictures of dolphin genitalia:

WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward….

The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in a accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship.

His tombstone could read “He died the way he lived: Sucking off Flipper.”

You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, they have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.


While I don’t routinely go around looking for dolphin sex on the internet, I figured “If there’s a fucking FAQ dedicated to it, there’s probably some creepily drawn images of the act as well!” Sure enough, I found DolphinParadise, with both pictures and stories, as well as a large amount of photos of dolphin genitalia (as posted earlier).

I love bad artwork. I really do. And this is terrible. It’s like someone’s highschool art project gone horribly wrong.

And this one is an orca, not a dolphin, but it is pretty awesome and I doubt I’ll be making an orca-sex article any time soon. I love how the woman looks like a post-op transsexual with a really bad boob job.

Watching Flipper will never be the same for me again.

Posted in animals, furry, drawn at 1:24 am