Sex dolls have been funny-looking since the heyday of the blowup doll. The vacant stare, the gaping mouth, and the misplaced vagina have been mainstays of sexdoll-hood for decades, but the times they are a-changin’. With the growing popularity of high quality silicone love dolls such as RealDoll, the nightmarish blowup dolls we all know and love (sometimes even in the Biblical sense) are on their way to becoming a thing of the past.

Or are they? A brand new silicone lover from RealDoll will set you back a good $7,000 and, like all expensive things, cheaper knockoffs will always be produced in an attempt to capitalize on the poor Schmo who couldn’t afford the real thing. But unlike normal knockoffs, which usually just fall apart, knockoffs of what is supposed to resemble a human being take on a whole new level of disturbing.

Enter CybOrgasMatrix, which makes some of the most unsettling dolls I have ever seen. If I had a dick, it would be as limp as an overcooked noodle right now.

They only seem to have one doll currently, and her name is Pandora Peaks. She’s a crude facsimile of the real woman, to be sure, but she does have the pendulous bosom that was Pandora’s trademark. Pandora comes in a variety of skin and eye colors, and you can select your own wig and pubic hair style, but one thing stays the same: The face. Oh god, the face.

Imagine, if you will, trying to climax inside this monstrosity. You stare into your silent silicone lover’s glass eyes, which stare off at nothing in particular. As you hump away into her cold rubbery cunt, her large-mouth bass lips open and shut ever so slightly. And, worst of all, is her nose. The nose that plastic surgeons around the world have nightmares about, and members of the Jackson family covet. Just look at it:

But that’s not all, there are even more heavily discounted versions of her. Here, she looks like she’s on an alien dissecting table, where they’ve been carefully amputating her limbs and drawing on her nipples with a red Sharpee.

For those on an even bigger budget, have no fear! You can buy each individual part! Not only can you buy just her breasts, or just her hips, but you can also buy her head! I have a hard time imagining what you could possibly want to do with her head alone, other than punt it into traffic.

Perhaps the most encouraging thing on this site is that underneath all of Pandora’s pictures it says “Currently undergoing re-design. Available late 2006.” I wonder how long it took them to realize “Shit, our doll looks like Michael Jackson on a bad day, we should really do something about that!” Here’s hoping, guys!

That’s all I can bear to write tonight, so enjoy this picture of Michael Jackson giving head:

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