04.04.06
ET: The Sexy-Terrestrial
E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial was a very memorable movie. One of Stephen Spielberg’s finest, it told the story of an alien stranded on Earth, and the special bond he shared with a young boy. Just thinking about the scene where they’re both sick and dying tugs at my heartstrings. Usually it’s the internet destroys my fondest childhood memories, but I can’t blame them this time. This time, it’s the Germans.
Enter Extra Terrestrian: Die Ausserirdische, a pornographic film from the Fatherland. I have yet to have had the pleasure of viewing what I am sure is an outstanding cinematic adventure, but I think the pictures are all you really needs to fully appreciate the horror of this movie. Wrinkly, with overly-large eyes and a mouth that could shrivel any dick, I can’t imagine a single person watching this film with the intent of jacking off. Then again, I didn’t think anyone could get off to watching men pump gas pedals, but Rob’s entry yesterday learned me a thing or two.
What really boggles my mind about this, even more than the fact that there’s a grotesque ET getting fucked, is that everyone in the video is dressed in Victorian garb. When I think alien sex I certainly don’t think “Period piece! Bring out the corsets and poet shirts!” but I guess they like their sci-fi with a flair of ye olde tymes over in good ol’ Germany. It’s groundbreaking, to be sure.
You’d think that’d be the only ET porn in existence, right? That’d be the rational thing to think, because ET isn’t particularly sexy, so just one video should be enough to fill the xenophiliac niche, right? Oh so wrong you are! There’s videos of a male ET fucking and sucking some broad! I wish I was making this up. You really, really need to see the videos because the pictures don’t do them justice.
I’m trying to twist my mind right now to try and understand the mindset that must be present to find this shit erotic. Sadly, I always fall short, and for that I am thankful.
I have to go gouge my eyes out with a spoon, so enjoy the videos, and keep in mind that someone, somewhere, is masturbating to this right now.
Many thanks to Kalashnikov for hooking us up with this nonsense.
Hexxenn said,
April 4, 2006 at 3:25 am
Hey, I found your blog a while ago and subscribed to your feed. It’s hard finding blogs that post about anything interesting/amusing.
About ET: Judging from his behavior in the film, I can only conclude that he had Down’s syndrome or something, and the other ETs actually meant to leave him behind, because they were sick of dealing with him.
Just a theory.
ed said,
April 4, 2006 at 3:00 pm
I’ve always hated E.T.
I was six when the movie came out and I had nightmares for a year.
Little did I realize that twenty something years later, I would be once again sleeping with a night light.
Thanks Population Paste. A part of me just died.
Synthetic God said,
April 4, 2006 at 3:59 pm
This movie was also featured on SomethingAwful.com
Ali said,
April 4, 2006 at 7:08 pm
God damn it, I completely missed the somethingawful feature on it. I’ll have to go check it out because apparently I hate myself.
Kalashnikov said,
April 4, 2006 at 8:31 pm
I think that’s Annie Lennox banging E.T.
Who knew?
And I did a little searching and translated the subtitle on the first image… the most I could get was “…wild and that its customs…” (Portuguese)
wierd.
Anonymous said,
April 5, 2006 at 5:52 pm
when i first saw those pictures before reading the headline, i thought it was some dude fucking a severely emaciated and skin diseased african. now i don’t know which is worse: my initial recollection or the real thing.
bibi said,
April 6, 2006 at 5:07 pm
I used to love this movie, now you just completely ruined it for me!!!
Anonymous said,
April 14, 2006 at 10:38 pm
Oh my god, the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen… O_O I fucking hate E.T.!
notman said,
April 15, 2006 at 9:17 am
wtf eww thats just made me want to burn my E.T video :(
Johnson said,
May 2, 2006 at 5:52 pm
LMAO this is a joke, were can i buy the video?
Nicolai said,
December 14, 2006 at 9:33 am
Watched the movie a while back. Found it to be rather disappointing. It’s basically just your average porn movie with some cheesy sci-fi scenes thrown in for good measure.