Ah, the timeless art of cartoon porn. Snow White gang bangs, wild Smurf orgies, even Shrek’s giant green dong - none of your innocent childhood icons are safe from the one-handed artists of the internet, and America’s favorite animated family is no exception. Over the years I’ve seen plenty of goofy, poorly-rendered drawings of the Simpsons family engaging in various acts of carnality, but I’d always passed it off as the expected byproduct of bored, giggling teenage boys. It never occurred to me that somewhere out there, a small but passionate subculture of perverts was furiously jacking off to Apu buttfucking Marge over the Kwik-E-Mart counter. And then, one day, I discovered Playdude: The Erotic Simpsons Fanzine.

Click to enlargePlaydude, cleverly named after the skin mag featured in The Simpsons, is a semi-regular digital magazine, distributed in PDF format, with x-rated art, comics, and stories starring Simpsons characters. It originally existed as a website but was shut down by FOX, which forced the zine to adopt a more underground distribution - mostly via torrent sites. The art ranges in quality and is contributed by a variety of very lonely men who have spent many a weekend night perfecting their renderings of Marge’s blue bush and Bart’s little hairless boner. Creepily enough, most of the art centers on sexual encounters amongst Springfield’s children - particularly Bart and Lisa, who I need not remind you are siblings of age 10 and 8, respectively. So cartoon or not, much of what’s represented in Playdude is underage incest, and it’s damned creepy. Consider this excerpt from one of Playdude’s many pages of erotic Simpsons literature:

It was Bart’s dream come true. Lisa started sucking Bart’s dick with slow and deliberate strokes. She was slower than he would rub with his hand, but it was warm and moist and his dick slid in and out easily. Lisa continued to rub her pussy as she sucked his cock trying to have another orgasm. Soon Bart felt like he was going to cum. He grabbed Lisa’s head and pulled it off his penis. Then he stood up. Lisa sat up. Bart rubbed his head a couple more times and then came in Lisa’s face.

Even better are the occasional forays into homosexual encounters between Bart and his best friend Millhouse. Another excerpt:

Millhouse was hard again and could not resist the temptation to lift Barts leg and slide his dick into Barts hole, it felt good and he reached around and started fondling Barts balls and dick which grew hard as he slept, Millhouse could feel himself about to come so he got up and put his throbbing dick into the sleeping Barts mouth and moved it around, it was almost like a reel [SIC] blowjob he had got from Maggie the last time he sleeptover [SIC] and took her pacifier out while she slept, Millhouse came in Barts mouth and naturally Bart swallowed, Millhouse then went to return the favor as he went down on Barts still hard dick sucked it until Bart came in his mouth.

That is one hell of a run-on sentence. Clearly, the subject of homosexual animated pre-teen sodomy draws only the finest literary talents.

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Although Playdude would have you believe that every citizen of Springfield has a voracious sexual appetite and is all-too-eager to engage in wild, fluid-covered orgies with anyone at all (regardless of age or family relation, as you can see above), it is little Lisa Simpson who seems to be the magazine’s favorite masturbation fodder. The poor girl has been subjected to the widest variety of sexual horrors throughout Playdude’s 17 issues (to date), which include, but are most certainly not limited to:

Double-teamed by Bart and Flanders:

Molested in the bathtub by Mr. Burns and his wrinkly fleshworm (so so so fucking wrong):

Anal beads yanked from her ass by Maggie:

Traded to Moe the bartender for free beer:

Fisted elbow-deep by her brother (this one’s a personal favorite):

Raped by The Bumble Bee Man, Santa Claus, Santa’s Little Helper…. and a pony:

And vomited on by Wendell:

I could go on forever, but I encourage you to enjoy Playdude for yourself, by searching for it on your favorite torrent site.

Posted in drawn at 1:00 am